16

Sergeant　Tao　was　a　good-looking　young　man,　tall　and　well-built,　with　a　clear　ivory　skin　and　bright　eyes.　He　was　polite　and　cordial,　as　a　true　northerner　should　be,　but　although　he　was　basically　kind,　his　years　in　the　army　had　hardened　his　good　nature　and　calloused　his　feelings.　He　could　be　tough　and　cunning.　He　had　a　polished　manner,　which　made　people　like　him,　but　it　was　hard　to　tell　when　he　was　sincere.　He　had　not　known　his　real　self　for　so　long,　he　had　forgotten　how　he　used　to　be.

He　had　a　mixed　notion　of　what　profit　from　any　deal　should　come　to　him.　For　instance,　that　strange　affair　of　Pao　Ching,　the　drum　singer　and　his　daughter.　Sergeant　Tao　had　really　meant　to　help　Pao　Ching　because　he　came　from　the　north　—　and　two　northerners　should　help　each　other.　But　he　had　not　told　Pao　Ching　and　Lotus　Charm　the　best　way　to　save　themselves,　before　they　were　interviewed　by　Madame　Wang.　Yet　when　Lotus　Charm　talked　back　to　the　old　lady,　Sergeant　Tao　was　sure　that　he　was　the　savior　of　the　Fang　family.　They　owed　him　everything,　and　as　grateful　fellow　northerners,　should　show　their　appreciation　in　an　appropriate　way.

He　was　a　frequent　visitor　to　South　Warm　Springs,　managing　to　be　in　town　on　business　almost　every　day.　He　began　by　bringing　Mrs.　Fang　bunches　of　flowers　from　the　gardens　of　the　Wang　mansion,　and　a　basket　or　two　of　vegetables.　And　who　could　send　such　a　kind　sergeant　away　without　a　drink　or　two　and　a　well-cooked　meal？He　certainly　was　a　charming　fellow.　Of　course　his　gifts　cost　him　nothing,　but　having　to　entertain　him　regularly　was　a　strain　on　the　Fang　budget.

And　Sergeant　Tao　was　no　mean　drinker.　He　was　in　fact　the　most　fabulous　drinker　Pao　Ching　had　ever　met.　His　capacity　seemed　to　be　limitless.　When　he　got　drunk　his　face　might　grow　a　trifle　pale,　but　his　conversation　was　always　amusing.　Never　did　he　annoy　anyone,　or　become　insulting,　and　if　he　paid　himself　occasional　compliments　that　was　understandable.

Pao　Ching　had　met　all　kinds　of　people　in　his　travels　through　the　years,　but　he　did　not　know　how　to　classify　Sergeant　Tao.　He　was　not　sure　that　he　liked　him,　but　he　could　never　be　certain　that　he　disliked　him.　When　he　was　away　from　the　sergeant　he　didn't　like　him　at　all,　but　when　the　sergeant　was　around,　Pao　Ching　was　often　convinced　that　he　was　the　best　of　fellows.

Yet　there　was　much　about　Sergeant　Tao　that　he　did　not　like.　The　man　was　too　smooth,　too　anxious　to　please,　too　free　with　other　people's　drink.

With　Mrs.　Fang,　Sergeant　Tao　got　along　very　well.　Mrs.　Fang　liked　men　of　all　kinds,　but　with　Sergeant　Tao　she　was　completely　at　ease.　She　liked　Meng　Liang　too,　but　he　was　different　—　too　remote,　with　his　education　and　culture.　Sure,　he　could　play　cards　and　smile,　but　when　Sergeant　Tao　was　around　she　felt　that　she　had　never　really　risen　to　Meng　Liang's　level.　She　could,　of　course,　understand　the　sergeant　better,　because　he　came　from　the　north.　His　colloquialisms　were　the　same　as　hers,　and　his　mentality　was　much　the　same　too.　She　understood　and　laughed　at　his　jokes　without　trouble.

Day　after　day　the　two　would　sit　together　making　jokes　and　telling　off-color　stories.　Mrs.　Fang　was　an　accomplished　flirt.　When　she　was　sparring　with　a　man,　she　knew　just　the　right　intonation　and　how　to　use　her　eyes.　She　had　no　interest　in　the　sergeant,　nor　in　any　man,　but　it　kept　her　from　being　bored　to　exchange　stories　with　him.　As　for　Sergeant　Tao,　he　knew　how　to　handle　Mrs.　Fang.　If　she　tried　to　play　up　to　him,　he　would　slip　out　of　the　situation　and　still　be　friends　with　her.　This　he　had　learned　from　being　an　orderly　to　Commander　Wang,　who　had　several　concubines,　some　of　whom　had　cast　meaningful　glances　at　the　handsome　young　soldier.

To　Mrs.　Fang,　Sergeant　Tao　told　the　story　of　his　life.　He　was　an　ambitious　law-abiding　young　man.　One　dream　of　his　life　was　to　be　married　and　to　raise　a　family,　but　as　yet　he　had　not　found　a　suitable　wife.　These　local　bumpkins！He　shook　his　sleek　head.　Well,　how　could　a　northerner　marry　into　such　families.　And　as　he　spoke,　his　eyes　strayed　to　where　Phoenix　Girl　was　sitting　at　the　window,　looking　like　a　forlorn　little　sparrow　waiting　to　take　flight.　Yes,　lamented　Sergeant　Tao　softly,　he　had　as　yet　not　met　the　right　family　to　provide　him　with　a　wife.

Inside　Mrs.　Fang　something　kindled.　The　sergeant　would　make　a　fine　son-in-law.　That's　what　she　wanted　—　a　nice　handsome　fellow　around.　That　would　be　just　the　thing　for　her　declining　years.

Sergeant　Tao　rarely　passed　up　the　opportunity　to　get　something　good　for　himself.　Phoenix　Girl　might　be　no　beauty,　but　she　was　a　virgin,　tight　and　trim,　and　that　would　be　fun　for　a　few　nights.　And　she　could　cook,　and　keep　house.　Also,　she　would　be　a　link　with　the　Fangs　who　he　felt　were　worth　cultivating.　Old　man　Fang　obviously　had　money;　else　how　would　he　have　paid　all　that　bribe　money　to　Commander　Wang.　It　made　good　sense.　He　could　marry　the　girl,　have　fun　with　her　for　a　while,　and　at　the　same　time　milk　the　old　folks.

One　night　he　and　Mrs.　Fang　discussed　the　matter　seriously.　She　had　been　coy　at　first,　opposing　the　marriage　just　to　tease　him,　but　Sergeant　Tao　was　outspoken　and　convincing.　Suppose　Commander　Wang　wanted　to　make　more　trouble　for　the　family.　If　their　daughter　was　married　to　Wang's　sergeant,　how　could　he　do　such　a　thing？And　when　the　day　came　for　him　to　quit　Wang's　service,　what　wonderful　things　he　could　do　for　the　Fangs.　How　could　they　miss　the　opportunity　of　acquiring　such　a　son-in-law？He　stood　up　and　flexed　his　muscles.　“See　my　strength.　When　I'm　standing　in　the　lobby　of　your　theater,　do　you　think　anyone　would　dare　start　anything？And　I　have　worked　for　Commander　Wang.　What　an　honor　for　your　husband.　Don't　tell　me　he　doesn't　need　a　person　like　me."

That　night　Mrs.　Fang　talked　to　Pao　Ching　about　marrying　off　Phoenix　Girl　to　the　sergeant.　At　first　Pao　Ching　was　shocked.　Then　he　viewed　it　as　a　reasonable　proposition.　He　was　glad　that　the　sleek　sergeant　hadn't　picked　on　Lotus　Charm.　But　was　it　right　to　sacrifice　Phoenix　Girl？The　sergeant　was　surely　not　innocent.　He　might　have　been　married　before.　Well,　if　he　was,　how　could　one　find　out　in　wartime？He　had　many　things　that　would　make　him　a　good　son-in-law.　After　all,　he　was　around　most　of　the　time　sponging　on　the　family,　so　why　not　let　him　marry　the　girl？

All　night　Pao　Ching　argued　with　himself.　Phoenix　Girl　should　get　married　and　settle　down.　He　would　ask　her　if　she　cared　to　marry,　if　she　liked　Sergeant　Tao.　If　she　did,　well　and　good.　Once　she　was　married　she　would　be　out　of　the　family,　and　was　it　not　written　somewhere　that　a　parent　could　not　look　after　his　children　all　their　lives？Stupid　even　to　think　one　could.

When　he　asked　Phoenix　Girl,　she　blushed.　But　when　she　blushed　Pao　Ching　knew　that　meant　yes,　so　he　accepted　it.　And　yet　he　was　worried.　Perhaps　he　hadn't　been　fair　to　her.　This　odd　child　of　his,　although　she　was　his　own　flesh　and　blood,　had　never　had　a　definite　place　in　the　family.　Always　she　had　taken　a　back　seat　to　Lotus　Charm,　the　adopted　daughter.　And　she　was　so　retiring　that　her　mother　got　mad　at　her.　Well,　this　was　her　fate,　to　be　married　to　Sergeant　Tao,　who　had　asked　for　her.　He　would　do　his　duty　as　a　parent.　There　would　be　a　grand　wedding,　as　lavish　as　the　village　could　provide.　He　would　give　her　a　dowry　and　a　complete　trousseau　for　the　four　seasons,　and　some　of　the　jewelry　he　had　stored　away.　No　one　would　say　that　his　daughter　was　married　like　a　streetwalker.　He　knew　his　etiquette.　A　wedding　in　the　Fang　family　would　be　a　wedding　to　remember　wherever　it　took　place.　Show　people,　perhaps,　but　show　people　with　style.

Just　after　the　New　Year,　Sergeant　Tao　posted　his　deposit　for　the　marriage　with　two　of　the　town's　leading　citizens.　Two　rings　were　wrapped　in　separate　red　papers,　on　which　the　sergeant　wrote　his　birthdate.　To　celebrate　the　contract,　Pao　Ching　gave　a　dinner　at　the　town's　best　Cantonese　restaurant.　The　guests　of　honor　were　the　mayor　of　South　Warm　Springs　who　registered　the　intention　of　marriage,　the　police　chief,　the　leader　of　the　fire　brigade,　and　their　friends.　Pao　Ching　also　invited　the　Tangs　and　Little　Liu.　This　was　his　opportunity　to　show　them　that　when　his　daughter　got　married,　he　could　do　things　properly.

Lotus　Charm　tried　hard　to　talk　to　Phoenix　Girl　about　her　forthcoming　marriage.　The　night　of　the　dinner　Phoenix　Girl　looked　radiant　in　a　green　silk　dress.　It　was　the　first　time　that　Lotus　Charm　had　ever　seen　her　look　nice,　but　she　had　been　strangely　silent　all　through　the　proceedings,　holding　her　flushed　face　high　and　seeing　no　one.

“I'll　be　so　lonely　when　you　are　gone,"　Lotus　Charm　said　that　night　as　they　prepared　to　go　to　bed.　Phoenix　Girl　did　not　answer.　Lotus　Charm　flung　herself　down　on　her　knees　and　took　Phoenix　Girl's　hand　in　hers.　“Please　say　something,　elder　sister.　Talk　to　me　for　once."

“I　want　to　go,"　said　Phoenix　Girl　dimly.　“There's　nothing　for　me　here.　No　position,　no　comfort,　no　home　life,　no　love.　So　I'll　take　my　chance.　If　you　marry　the　dog,　follow　the　dog;　if　you　marry　the　cockerel,　follow　him.　What　else　can　I　do？I　cannot　earn　a　living.　I　can　only　follow　you　and　father　from　place　to　place.　No　one　ever　notices　me,　no　one　wants　me.　I　loathe　not　knowing　how　to　make　money,　and　I　hate　being　your　shadow.　You　are　beautiful.　You　can　sing,　people　look　at　you　and　want　you.　No　one　ever　wanted　me,　except　Sergeant　Tao."　She　smiled　wanly.　“When　I'm　married　I'll　know　that　I　have　the　same　ability　as　other　women,　to　quit　a　man's　passion."

Lotus　Charm　looked　hurt.　This　strange　girl　talking　like　this.　And　after　all　the　years　she　had　tried　to　be　nice　and　friendly　to　her.　“Do　you　hate　me,　elder　sister？"　she　asked　coolly.

Phoenix　Girl　shook　her　head.　“I　don't　hate　you.　Your　lot　is　worse　than　mine.　You　can't　have　a　formal　wedding　like　me.　For　that　I　pity　you."

She　might　better　have　driven　an　arrow　through　Lotus　Charm's　heart.

“Look　at　Jeweled　Lute,"　Phoenix　Girl　continued.　“Why　does　my　father　dare　invite　her　to　our　house？If　she's　out　of　jail,　she　is　coming　to　the　wedding,　he　says.　She　sleeps　with　Little　Liu　and　many　others　as　well.　She's　a　drum　singer,　the　same　as　you."

Lotus　Charm's　eyes　flashed　venom.　Her　lips　were　thin　white　lines.　“So　you　think　I'm　like　her,"　she　said　impatiently.　“You　don't　hate　me.　You　just　don't　consider　me　—　as　if　I　were　rubbish　in　the　gutter."

Phoenix　Girl　shrugged　her　lumpy　shoulders.　“I　don't　know,"　she　said,　“I　don't　know　what　I　think　about　you."

Lotus　Charm　spoke　after　a　long　pause.　“Elder　sister,　please　pretend　that　you　love　me　—　just　for　make_believe.　I　have　never　been　loved　by　anyone.　You　know　how　mother　treats　me,　so　please,　you　be　different.　Just　say　that　you　love　me　and　that　you　and　I　are　best　friends.　Say　it,　even　if　you　don't　mean　it.　Give　me　some　consolation.　You　know　I　haven't　one　person　who　really　loves　me,　and　I　want　someone　to　love　me."　She　bit　her　lips　and　the　tears　bubbled　in　her　eyes.　“I　do,　I　want　someone　to　like　me."

“All　right,"　conceded　Phoenix　Girl,　“I　love　you,　stupid.　I　am　your　best　friend."

Lotus　Charm　wiped　her　tears.　Presently　she　asked,　“Aren't　you　afraid　to　be　married　to　a　strange　man？Do　not　think　he'll　treat　you　well？"

“Of　course　I'm　afraid,　but　what　can　I　do？I'm　just　a　girl.　Nothing　is　ever　right　for　a　woman　in　this　life.　We're　animals.　You　are　different,　because　you　earn　money,　but　what　does　that　get　you.　People　look　down　on　you　because　you　sing　for　a　living.　I　can't　earn　money,　so　I　have　to　do　as　I　am　told,　and　get　married.　There's　no　other　way　out.　A　man's　going　to　get　me,　but　he'll　have　to　sign　a　paper　and　eat　a　big　dinner　first.　Ha！ha！"

Lotus　Charm　thought　for　a　while.　“Do　you　think　those　girl　students　are　the　same　as　we　are？"

“How　should　I　know？"　retorted　Phoenix　Girl　bitterly.　“I　have　never　been　a　student."　She　began　to　cry,　the　tears　gushing　down　her　face.

Lotus　Charm　wept　too.　Poor　Phoenix　Girl.　So　all　these　years　she　had　felt　lonely　and　unwanted.　And　now　she　was　to　be　married.　It　meant　that　she,　Lotus　Charm,　would　move　up　in　the　family.　Would　they　marry　her　to　a　stranger？Who　could　tell？She　remembered　what　her　mother　had　said:　“There　never　is　a　happy　ending　for　a　theatrical　girl."　And　Phoenix　Girl　said　she　hadn't　a　chance　of　being　married　formally　as　she　was　going　to　be.　She　would　have　to　be　a　streetwalker　like　Jeweled　Lute.　Well,　was　that　any　different　from　being　married　to　a　stranger　for　the　money　your　father　could　put　on　your　head？

She　went　over　and　sat　on　the　bed,　where　her　book　was　lying.　She　tried　to　read,　but　all　at　once　the　printed　words　made　no　sense.　They　seemed　to　say:　“Lotus　Charm,　you　are　just　a　drum　singer　—　Jeweled　Lute　the　second.　Who　do　you　think　you　are？Who？What　ideas　do　you　have？Forget　them.　You'll　never　be　happy."

When　Meng　Liang　arrived　to　give　her　a　lesson　she　was　struggling　with　her　book.　“I　would　like　to　ask　you　something　that's　not　in　the　book,"　she　said　with　a　smile.

“Of　course,　Lotus　Charm,　go　ahead."　Meng　put　his　hand　in　his　pocket,　and　fingered　a　peanut　he　found　in　the　lining　of　his　jacket.

“Mr.　Meng,"　Lotus　Charm　demanded,　“what　is　love？"

Meng　Liang　looked　cheerfully　helpless.　Then　he　said,　“Why　ask　me　about　such　a　big　problem　all　at　once？There's　really　no　answer."

“You　mean　no　one　knows？"

“Everyone　knows,　but　no　one　understands.　But　why　do　you　ask　this,　Lotus　Charm？"　Meng　Liang's　thin　face　was　serious.　He　sat　down　on　the　chair　opposite　and　stared　curiously　at　her.

Lotus　Charm　licked　her　thin　lips.　“I　want　to　know　because　I　know　nothing.　I　have　no　brothers　or　sisters.　No　friends.　No　one　loves　me.　Men　follow　me,　and　want　to　pinch　me.　Is　that　love？My　sister　is　getting　married　to　a　man　she　doesn't　know.　He'll　sleep　with　her,　and　she'll　cook　for　him.　Is　that　love？Young　men　and　girl　students　walk　in　the　park　hand　in　hand,　and　lie　kissing　in　the　grass.　Is　that　love？Jeweled　Lute　goes　to　bed　with　any　man　who　will　give　her　a　dollar.　Is　that　love？"

Meng　Liang　blew　a　loud　breath　as　if　puffing　invisible　smoke　from　his　stomach.　“Take　it　easy,　girl.　How　can　I　answer　all　those　questions　at　once？I　can't,　so　let's　try　just　one　of　them.　Your　sister's　marriage,　for　instance.　That's　not　love.　It's　a　kind　of　horrible　legacy　bestowed　on　us　by　ancient　custom.　She　has　to　obey　her　parents,　and　marry　some　man,　when　she　is　old　enough.　If　she　were　modern　and　everyone　were　modern,　she　would　choose　her　own　husband."

“Like　Jeweled　Lute？"

He　shook　his　head.　“She　doesn't　choose　husbands.　She　just　sells　her　body.　In　love　there　is　no　element　of　buying　or　selling.　Love　is　not　a　business,　but　a　life　work."

Lotus　Charm　thought　awhile.　She　held　her　sturdy　brown　ankle　in　her　strong　slim　hands.　“Teacher　Meng,　if　I　were　to　make　a　friend　of　a　man　would　that　be　wrong？"

“No　—　not　in　itself."

“If　I　decided　to　marry　him　myself　would　that　be　wrong？"

“Not　to　my　way　of　thinking."

“Would　a　marriage　like　that　be　happier　than　the　one　my　sister　is　entering　into？"

“It　all　depends."

“On　what？"

“I　can't　say　exactly.　I　told　you　there　is　never　a　definite　answer　to　such　problems."

“Then　we'll　leave　marriage　aside.　Now　if　I　have　a　man　friend　and　my　parents　don't　like　him,　what　should　I　do？"

“Fight　for　him,　if　he　is　worthwhile."

“How　will　I　know　if　a　man　is　worthy？"

“How　can　I　tell　you　that？You　should　be　able　to　tell."　Meng　Liang　sighed.　“You　see,　your　problem　is　like　a　vicious　circle,　one　circle　within　another.　I　think　it　would　be　more　profitable　for　us　to　go　on　with　our　studies."

Lotus　Charm　did　little　work　that　day.　Why　hadn't　Mr.　Meng　answered　her　questions？He　ought　to　have　told　her　everything.　Her　confidence　in　him　was　shaken.　He　had　talked　about　everything　as　if　he　had　no　real　interest　in　her　problem,　and　yet　he　had　suggested　that　she　had　the　right　to　choose　her　own　husband.　He　had　agreed　to　everything　she　had　said,　and　even　advised　her　to　oppose　her　parents.　What　kind　of　man　was　he　to　give　such　advice　so　casually　and　yet　dodge　answering　the　main　questions.

She　decided　to　ask　him　again.　She　would　frame　her　questions　to　give　him　no　escape.　A　mischievous　thought　came.　She　snickered.　Well,　perhaps　he　might　instruct　her　in　things　besides　calligraphy.　The　thought　was　so　ludicrous　that　she　snickered　till　her　stomach　ached.

When　the　foggy　season　was　over　they　went　back　to　South　Warm　Springs.　Pao　Ching　had　not　had　a　good　season　in　Chung-king　because　the　Tang　troupe　had　cut　into　his　earnings,　though　not　enough　to　ruin　him.　The　theater_going　population　of　Chungking　was　divided　into　two　classes:those　who　liked　more　sex　and　less　music,　and　those　who　liked　music　and　its　consequent　exaltation.　The　latter　were　Pao　Ching's　faithful　clients.　Pao　Ching　had　come　through　with　enough　to　eat　and　enough　to　live　through　the　summer　season.

He　was　anxious　to　get　Phoenix　Girl　married.　Since　she　had　become　betrothed　to　Sergeant　Tao　it　seemed　as　if　he　had　taken　on　a　new　responsibility.　It　was　the　first　time　that　he　had　been　really　aware　of　the　burden　of　looking　after　his　only　daughter.　He　felt　sometimes　as　if　he　were　handling　a　priceless　piece　of　antique　china,　which　would　be　ruined　if　chipped　or　cracked.　Such　responsibilities　a　father　had.　When　a　girl　had　decided　to　get　married　you　never　knew　what　she　might　do　or　what　some　impudent　rascal　might　attempt.

So　he　planned　the　marriage　the　moment　they　got　back　to　the　village.　Lotus　Charm　was　more　thrilled　about　the　prospect　of　her　sister's　wedding　than　anyone　in　the　family.　She　felt　as　if　she　were　seeing　a　play　at　first　hand,　in　a　good　seat.　She　would　be　able　to　note　what　difference　marriage　made　to　a　girl,　and　whether　her　sister　was　really　happy.　Then　she　would　be　able　to　measure　her　own　chances　of　happiness.　How　exciting.　There　were　nights　she　could　not　sleep　from　sheer　wonder.

Phoenix　Girl　was　as　quietly　morose　about　everything　as　ever.　She　worked　hard　sewing　her　trousseau,　and　Lotus　Charm　noticed　that　sometimes　she　smiled　to　herself,　as　if　she　was　enjoying　a　dream.　She　understood　the　smile.　Poor　Phoenix　Girl　wanted　so　desperately　to　leave　home,　to　be　a　person　on　her　own,　to　escape　this　untidy　place　presided　over　by　a　drunken　mother.　Her　urge　to　leave　was　so　strong　that　she　wasn't　in　the　least　bit　scared　of　sleeping　with　a　man　she　didn't　know.

As　the　day　for　the　marriage　approached,　Useless　Fang　progressed　farther　and　farther　into　a　drinking　bout　with　his　sister_in_law.　He　drank　to　keep　Mrs.　Fang　company,　because　he　felt　it　was　a　shame　she　should　be　the　only　drunken　one　in　the　family,　and　he　did　not　want　her　to　lose　face.　Besides,　he　felt　sad　at　losing　Phoenix　Girl.　Never　had　she　given　any　trouble　to　anyone,　never　had　she　cost　the　family　any　extra　money.　Always　she　had　been　a　quiet　willing　household　slave.　And　now　she　was　going.

Mrs.　Fang　ordinarily　cared　little　for　Phoenix　Girl,　but　as　she　became　more　intoxicated　she　remembered　that　this　was　her　daughter,　her　own　flesh　and　blood,　and　that　she　would　be　unhappy　if　Sergeant　Tao　did　not　treat　her　well.　These　were　motherly　sentiments　well　pickled　in　wine,　which　made　them　taste　better　than　if　they　were　taken　plain.

Lotus　Charm　wanted　to　tell　her　mother　that　she　was　willing　to　take　Phoenix　Girl's　place　in　her　heart,　and　in　the　house.　But　she　decided　that　this　was　not　the　appropriate　moment.　She　could　not　help　remembering　that　her　mother　was　weeping　and　moaning　because　Phoenix　Girl　was　getting　married,　but　that　she　had　not　shed　a　tear　when　she　was　in　danger　of　being　thrown　to　Commander　Wang　as　an　unwilling　concubine.

Suddenly　Lotus　Charm　heard　a　commotion　in　the　living　room.　She　went　to　the　door.　Her　mother　was　shrieking　at　the　top　of　her　voice,　and　her　uncle　Useless　Fang　was　yawning.　Her　mother's　words　struck　a　chill　into　her　unhappy　heart.　She　felt　dizzy　all　at　once,　and　then　fired　with　a　furious　rage.　“When　Phoenix　Girl　is　gone,"　her　mother　was　saying,　“I'll　have　a　wonderful　time.　I'm　going　to　get　a　baby　boy,　and　bring　him　up　as　my　own.　There　are　loads　of　war　orphans,　aren't　there？　I'll　take　a　good　one　—　a　little　bastard　with　big　eyes,　old　enough　not　to　wet　his　pants."

So　her　mother　would　never　love　her.　That　was　clear.　Whether　she　made　money　singing　or　sleeping　with　men,　her　mother　would　never　be　satisfied.　She　was　just　a　drum　singer　without　a　real　mother.　What　kind　of　world　was　this,　anyhow？She　felt　bitter　and　drained,　as　if　her　blood　had　turned　to　ice　and　had　frozen　in　her　heart.　Even　the　thought　that　her　father　was　kind,　did　not　help.　He　meant　well,　but　what　could　he　do？He　couldn't　answer　her　questions,　he　couldn't　be　a　mother　and　a　father　as　well.

She　felt　him　beside　her,　and　turned.　He　looked　older　and　tired,　but　his　eyes　were　bright.　He　touched　her　shoulder　and　said　in　a　whisper,　“Never　mind,　Lotus　Charm,　when　you　get　married　I'll　make　your　wedding　ten　times　as　grand.　The　biggest　wedding　ever.　Do　please　believe　me."

She　turned　away　and　went　back　into　the　bedroom.　Why　had　he　said　that？Did　he　think　she　was　jealous？She　wasn't　jealous.　She　just　hated　the　world　and　everything　in　it.　Tears　came　to　relieve　her.