27

Lotus　Charm　was　again　one　of　the　family,　but　she　made　few　demands　on　her　father.　She　seemed　to　have　grown　up　and　to　be　wiser　and　more　considerate　than　before.　One　morning　she　asked　Pao　Ching　if　he　would　buy　her　a　maternity　dress.　Because　she　knew　her　father's　taste　in　dresses　was　expensive,　she　made　it　clear　that　she　did　not　want　silk　or　satin,　just　padded　cotton,　the　cheapest　and　most　practical.

Pao　Ching　wanted　her　to　go　to　the　hospital　for　a　medical　examination.　At　first　she　refused.　She　was　afraid　the　doctor　would　find　out　that　she　was　unmarried,　but　Pao　Ching,　speaking　with　modern　wisdom,　assured　her　that　it　would　be　better　for　the　baby　if　she　went　to　see　a　doctor.　The　doctor,　he　insisted,　was　not　interested　in　anything　but　producing　a　healthy　child.　Her　father's　earnestness　convinced　Lotus　Charm,　and　she　allowed　herself　to　be　examined.　In　spite　of　her　harrowing　experience,　the　doctor　said　she　was　in　good　condition,　but　she　must　take　more　exercise.

When　Pao　Ching　suggested　they　take　a　walk　after　lunch　each　day　she　refused.　Everyone　in　Chungking　knew　her.　She　did　not　want　to　parade　her　unmarried　shame　in　daylight.　Pao　Ching　agreed,　but　he　insisted　that　she　obey　the　doctor's　orders.　So　every　night　after　the　theater　they　walked　together　in　the　darkened　streets.　During　these　walks　Pao　Ching　realized　how　much　Lotus　Charm　had　changed.　Previously　when　they　had　walked　together　in　Shanghai,　Nanking,　and　Peiping,　she　would　dance　along　ahead,　holding　his　hand,　asking　a　thousand　questions.　Now　she　walked　slowly　and　always　behind,　as　if　she　was　ashamed　to　walk　beside　him.　What　could　he　say　to　comfort　her？　In　vain　did　he　try　to　think,　but　the　appropriate　thoughts　evaded　him.

“If　only　I　could　find　Meng　Liang,"　he　said　half　aloud.　“He　could　explain　many　things　for　us."

“I　don't　want　to　think　of　anything,"　replied　Lotus　Charm　moodily.　“I'm　just　waiting　for　the　baby　to　come.　It's　better　not　to　think."

There　was　nothing　Pao　Ching　could　say.　If　she　didn't　want　to　think,　why　should　he　try　to　make　her.　There　was　a　lump　in　his　throat.　In　the　darkness　of　the　night　he　saw　her　as　a　saintly　young　mother,　carrying　a　sinless　child.　Her　child　would　be　pure　and　untainted,　no　matter　what　its　ancestry.　It　could　only　be　like　its　mother,　a　good,　clean　human　being.

“Father,　will　you　love　my　baby？"　she　asked　suddenly.　“Will　you　love　him　as　much　as　you　do　Little　King？"

It　was　Lotus　Charm　the　child　speaking　again,　posing　a　difficult　question.

“Of　course,"　he　said　with　a　chuckle.　“All　children　deserve　to　be　loved."

“You　should　love　him　more　than　the　other　one,　father,"　she　insisted.　“He's　illegitimate.　He　hasn't　a　father　of　his　own,　so　you　will　have　to　be　his　father."

“Right,　I　will,"　he　agreed.　Why　did　she　have　to　remind　him　of　her　baby's　illegitimacy？　And　why　should　her　child　need　more　love？　How　could　he　be　father　to　a　baby　that　had　no　father？

The　next　week　Lotus　Charm　gave　birth　to　a　baby　girl.　It　weighed　five　pounds,　was　red　and　wrinkled,　and　looked　like　an　old　man　who　had　lived　a　thousand　years.

To　Lotus　Charm　it　was　the　most　beautiful,　the　most　intelligent,　and　the　healthiest　child　in　the　whole　world,　even　though　her　immediate　world　was　limited　to　the　bedroom　where　she　lay　with　the　tiny　infant　at　her　side.

The　delivery　was　painful.　But　when　it　was　over　Lotus　Charm　felt　she　herself　had　been　born　again.　She　had　expiated　her　sin　with　those　terrible　labor　pains,　those　agonizing　pincers　that　had　torn　at　her　flesh　for　hours.　Yes,　she　had　paid,　and　now　she　was　at　peace.　She　had　accomplished　the　destiny　of　woman　and　brought　a　child　into　the　world.　She　looked　at　the　funny　little　wrinkled　face　and　clutched　the　tiny　emaciated　body.　This　was　her　baby,　part　of　her　bone　and　her　flesh,　filled　with　her　blood.　No　part　of　it　ever　could　belong　to　Chang　Wen.　How　wonderful　that　it　was　a　girl　and　not　a　boy！　If　it　had　been　a　boy　she　would　have　worried　lest　it　become　a　Chang　Wen　the　Second.　But　this　was　a　miniature　Lotus　Charm,　and　it　would　grow　into　the　most　beautiful　girl　in　the　world.　This　baby　would　have　all　the　love　she　had　never　had,　and　she　would　work　so　that　it　could　be　educated,　to　avoid　the　mistakes　she　had　made.　She　could　see　her　daughter　already　as　a　girl　student,　coming　home　after　school.　And　perhaps　she　would　start　her　own　education　over　again　so　as　to　be　able　to　guide　her　baby.

She　bared　her　breast　and　put　the　swollen　nipple　in　the　baby's　mouth.　Some　of　the　milk　spurted　in　a　stream　over　the　little　red　face.　She　took　the　nipple　and　pushed　it　in　the　baby's　mouth　again.　The　hungry　lips　sucked　vigorously,　drinking　the　milk　out　of　her.　This　was　the　symbol　of　love:　the　love　of　her　bosom　pouring　into　the　mouth　of　another　generation.　She　knew　that　from　then　on　her　life　would　be　all　giving.　She　would　not　receive　any　more.　Her　function　would　be　to　give,until　she　died,　to　give　to　the　new　generation.

Mrs.　Fang　came　in　to　watch.　She　was　a　little　drunk,　so　she　was　in　a　mood　to　insult　Lotus　Charm.　After　all,　the　worthless　girl　had　produced　a　girl　baby.　That　was　like　a　whore　producing　a　whore,　and　thus　continuing　an　endless　chain.　If　it　had　been　a　boy,　Lotus　Charm's　sin　might　have　been　worthwhile.　A　girl　was　just　another　potential　trouble　maker.　But　when　she　saw　Lotus　Charm　with　full　round　breast　pressed　against　the　baby's　mouth,　the　unkind　thoughts　vanished.　“You　have　courage,　child,"　she　said　almost　grudgingly.　“And　you　have　a　nice　baby　...　Good　luck　to　you."

The　coming　of　Lotus　Charm's　baby　faced　Pao　Ching　with　a　social　dilemma.　He　had　a　helped　Little　Liu　give　a　party　for　Little　King　when　the　child　was　three　days　old,　and　another　when　the　child　was　a　month　old.　That　was　the　custom,　and　Pao　Ching　was　glad　to　show　the　neighbors　that　he　was　a　rich　and　influential　father_in_law　and　a　happy　grandfather.　But　what　should　he　do　for　a　little　bastard,　a　baby　who　had　no　father？　He　scratched　his　head.　There　was　no　point　in　asking　Mrs.　Fang's　opinion.　She　would　say　no,　without　hesitation.　He　did　not　like　to　put　the　problem　to　Lotus　Charm,　for　she　would　be　hurt.　Thus　he　waited　in　unhappy　indecision.　Three　days　passed　and　Lotus　Charm　made　no　comment.　Then　it　was　too　late　for　the　three_day　party.　When　the　end　of　the　month　approached　he　was　still　undecided.

He　watched　Lotus　Charm　carefully,　trying　to　decide　whether　she　was　offended　because　the　child　had　not　had　a　party　when　it　was　three　days　old.　But　she　gave　no　sign　of　annoyance.　On　the　contrary,　she　looked　happier　than　ever　before.　She　was　eating　heartily　to　increase　the　milk　in　her　breasts,　and　her　cheeks　were　plump　and　smooth.　Her　complexion　was　restored　to　its　former　beauty,　and　she　looked　lovely　in　the　bloom　of　motherhood.　She　had　taken　to　wearing　her　hair　in　a　womanly　bun　now,　and　she　spent　almost　all　her　time　tending　and　washing　the　baby.　Sometimes　he　heard　her　singing　their　old　drum　ballads　to　the　youngster,　and　his　heart　quickened　with　pride.　There,　surely,　was　the　loveliest　little　mother　in　all　Chungking.

The　attitude　of　his　friends　and　his　enemies　decided　the　issue　as　to　whether　there　should　be　a　party　or　not.　Some　of　the　theater　people　were　obviously　sincere　when　they　called　to　congratulate　him.　To　them　an　illegitimate　child　was　even　more　desirable　than　a　legitmate　one　as　it　was　a　demonstration　of　the　mother's　love.

Then　there　were　his　conservative　old_fashioned　friends.　They　knew　about　the　illegitimacy,　but　they　never　mentioned　it.　That　was　to　save　Pao　Ching's　face,　and　he　felt　warmly　toward　them　for　their　reserve;　although　he　knew　that　to　save　their　own　faces　they　were　making　it　clear　to　the　world　that　they　did　not　approve　of　fatherless　babies.

And　there　were　his　enemies,　the　gossips　and　those　who　were　always　anxious　to　needle　him.　They　would　come　into　the　house　and　say　loudly,　“Congratulations,　Boss　Fang.　I　hear　Lotus　Charm　has　a　daughter.　How　is　the　father？"

After　a　few　of　these　people　had　called　and　mocked　him,　Pao　Ching　decided　against　having　a　party　for　the　baby's　first　month.　Why　should　he　entertain　those　no_good　rascals,　who　were　laughing　at　him　all　the　time.　He　had　nothing　to　be　ashamed　of.　Let　them　have　their　own　party.

He　was　unhappy　about　the　decision.　He　felt　he　had　wronged　Lotus　Charm　and　the　baby.　But　neither　of　them　complained.

When　the　month　was　up　Lotus　Charm　came　back　to　the　theater　to　sing.

Before　she　went　on　stage,　she　asked　Pao　Ching,　“Father,　what　should　I　wear？"

“Wear　whatever　is　beautiful,"　he　said.　He　was　happy　that　she　was　the　star　in　his　company　once　again.

“Father　..."　She　was　about　to　say　something　more　but　hesitated.

“What？"　Pao　Ching　asked.

“Funny,　I　really　don't　know　what　to　wear.　I　wanted　to　become　a　student,　but　I　had　an　illegitimate　child　instead.　I　wanted　to　run　away　from　the　theater,　but　now　I　am　about　to　go　on　again.　Funny,　isn't　it？"　But　she　did　not　smile,　and　tears　were　in　her　eyes.

Pao　Ching　was　momentarily　at　loss　for　words.　He　merely　said,　“Please　think　of　helping　me　out."

She　wore　a　plain　dress.　She　wore　little　powder　or　lipstick　on　her　face.　She　said　to　herself　as　she　was　putting　on　the　make_up,　“To　put　on　a　plain　dress　for　the　mourning　of　my　past."

Then　she　kissed　her　baby　passionately　and　rushed　backstage.

Out　in　front,　she　decided　to　sing　a　most　tragic　love　story.

She　began　to　beat　the　drum　strongly.　Her　voice　was　low　and　feminine　now.　Her　eyes　looked　only　at　the　center　of　the　drum　and　not　the　audience.　She　was　determined　to　put　everything　in　her　work　to　help　her　father;　only　by　helping　her　father　could　she　continue　to　live.

Her　head　bent　lower　and　lower　as　she　sang,　for　the　tragic　story　was　parallel　to　her　own,　and　she　did　not　want　the　audience　to　see　her　tears.

The　song　over,　she　lifted　her　face　and　calmly　looked　at　the　audience　as　though　to　say,　“Now,　what　do　you　think　of　me？"　Then　she　bowed,　turned　and　walked　slowly　down　the　stage.

There　was　much　applause.　But　at　the　same　time,　the　audience　seemed　to　find　her　baffling.　She　was　fuller　and　prettier　than　before,　yet　she　looked　so　tragic.　She　was　young　yet　experienced,　weak　yet　strong.

Five　months　slipped　by,　and　Lotus　Charm's　baby　still　had　no　name.　Pao　Ching　looked　daily　at　the　child　to　convince　himself　that　she　was　not　taking　after　her　father.　That　would　be　terrible.　But　what　to　name　her.　She　could　be　named　Chang　or　Fang.　But　neither　name　seemed　suitable.　Chang　he　hated　because　it　was　her　father's　name,　and　Fang　was　not　really　Lotus　Charm's　name,　because　she　was　an　adopted　child.　As　a　result,　to　everyone　she　was　just　Lotus　Charm's　baby.

Mrs.　Fang　took　little　notice　of　the　child.　She　had　decided　that　Little　King,　her　grandson,　should　have　all　her　love.　She　compromised　with　Pao　Ching　by　being　tolerant　with　Lotus　Charm,　but　that　was　all.　She　wasn't　doing　a　thing　for　the　baby.

Seeing　this,　Pao　Ching　understood　why　Lotus　Charm　had　asked　him　to　give　more　of　his　love　to　her　child,　but　he　knew　that　if　he　showed　partiality　openly,　it　would　cause　war　in　the　family.　Lotus　Charm's　child　was　a　bastard,　and　it　would　always　be　treated　as　such.

“I　understand,"　agreed　Lotus　Charm　when　he　told　her　that　he　could　not　give　her　child　special　attention.　“I　feel　awful　about　her　myself.　There　are　times　when　I　love　her　madly.　At　others,　I　could　toss　her　out　the　window."

A　month　later　Jeweled　Lute　returned　asking　for　work.　Her　husband　had　spent　all　his　money,　and　they　had　agreed　to　separate.

She　took　the　separation　like　a　good　trouper.　She　shrugged　her　shoulders　and　smiled,　lifting　her　ponderous　bosoms.　“I　like　to　work,"　she　cried.　“So　here　I　am."

Jeweled　Lute　adored　Lotus　Charm's　baby.　“You　are　so　lucky,　darling,"　she　said,　as　she　knelt　on　the　floor　and　played　with　the　baby's　little　pink　toes.　“I've　done　so　much.　Yet　I　have　nothing.　You　at　least　have　a　baby.　Why,　having　a　baby　of　your　own　is　worth　more　than　all　the　money　in　the　world."

Lotus　Charm　nodded.　She　didn't　know　whether　to　laugh　or　cry.　She　wanted　to　do　both.　But　she　merely　hugged　the　baby　and　smiled　acknowledgment.

Lotus　Charm's　baby　had　already　learned　to　walk　and　was　even　talking　a　little　by　the　time　the　Japanese　finally　surrendered　after　eight　long　years　of　war.　The　citizens　of　Chungking　celebrated　as　best　they　could,　even　the　starving　university　professors　and　civil　servants.　The　profiteers　flung　their　money　about　wildly.　Everyone　cried,　“Long　live　China,"　even　wounded　soldiers　who　had　given　their　blood　for　their　country　and　had　gotten　nothing　in　return　but　rags　and　empty　stomachs.　The　generals　put　on　their　dress　uniforms　and　polished　up　their　medals　and　posed　in　the　streets,　although　some　of　them　had　never　been　near　the　front.

The　ordinary　citizens　were　a　trifle　bewildered.　After　eight　years　of　war　and　semi_starvation,　they　had　no　money　for　victory　drinks.　But　it　cost　nothing　to　cheer,　so　they　cheered,　and　ran　hither　and　thither　joining　in　first　one　procession　and　then　another.

Pao　Ching　stayed　at　home.　He　did　not　feel　like　taking　part　in　any　victory　parade.　Instead　he　sat　with　his　head　bowed,　thinking　of　all　that　had　happened　to　him　in　the　past　eight　years.　He　had　lost　his　best_loved　elder　brother.　He　had　lost　his　best_loved　daughter　to　a　scoundrel,　and　she　had　had　a　baby.　His　dearest　friend　was　in　prison.　Would　Meng　Liang　be　released　now　that　peace　was　restored？

Pao　Ching　sighed.　Then　he　smiled.　He　had　to　go　on.　Soon　he　would　be　able　to　take　up　the　old　life　again　and　travel　from　Peiping　to　Nanking,　wherever　he　wished,　wherever　there　was　an　audience　waiting　to　hear　his　drum　singing.　Yes,　he　must　get　on　the　road　again.　There　was　always　money　in　show　business.　You　sang　when　the　flowers　were　blooming,　and　when　they　withered.　You　sang　in　peace,　and　you　sang　in　war;　and　you　were　paid　for　your　art.　Show　business　was　a　good　life　after　all.

There　was　so　much　to　do.　He　had　not　organized　his　entertainers'　club,　nor　his　school　to　train　drum　singers.　These　things　he　must　do,　sometime.

A　few　days　later,　the　Fang　family　began　to　pack.　Pao　Ching　went　out　in　search　of　steamboat　tickets.　Prices　had　soared　over　night,　and　the　black　market　operators　had　moved　in.　It　was　the　same　as　when　the　family　had　moved　from　the　coast　to　Chungking.　He　spent　a　day　bribing,　soliciting,　and　giving　concessions;　and　finally　returned　home　with　the　news　that　he　had　spent　most　of　his　ready　cash　to　secure　space　on　the　deck　of　the　boat　leaving　in　two　days'　time.

Pao　Ching　was　youthful　and　exuberant　again.　The　prospect　of　being　on　the　move　was　exhilarating.　He　was　going　down　the　river　under　conditions　that　were　much　the　same　as　they　were　when　he　came.　He　had　no　more　luggage　than　when　he　came.　His　main　pieces　were　the　stringed　instrument　and　the　drum.　But　the　number　of　his　family　had　increased.　He　had　lost　his　beloved　brother,　but　he　had　two　babies　and　Little　Liu.

Lightheartedly,　he　thought　of　his　less　fortunate　brothers,　the　Tangs,　and　went　over　to　ask　them　if　they　would　like　to　come　along.　It　was　foolish　even　to　suggest　it,　he　thought,　but　they　were　show　people,　and　he　hated　the　idea　of　leaving　them　in　the　capital　without　money.　Fourth　Master　Tang　shook　his　head　when　Pao　Ching　made　him　the　offer.　He　wanted　to　stay.　The　price　of　opium　was　down　in　Chungking,　and　Jeweled　Lute　could　still　make　enough　money　to　keep　them,　even　if　she　didn't　sing　a　note.