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- The Drum Singers
27
Lotus Charm was again one of the family, but she made few demands on her father. She seemed to have grown up and to be wiser and more considerate than before. One morning she asked Pao Ching if he would buy her a maternity dress. Because she knew her father's taste in dresses was expensive, she made it clear that she did not want silk or satin, just padded cotton, the cheapest and most practical.
Pao Ching wanted her to go to the hospital for a medical examination. At first she refused. She was afraid the doctor would find out that she was unmarried, but Pao Ching, speaking with modern wisdom, assured her that it would be better for the baby if she went to see a doctor. The doctor, he insisted, was not interested in anything but producing a healthy child. Her father's earnestness convinced Lotus Charm, and she allowed herself to be examined. In spite of her harrowing experience, the doctor said she was in good condition, but she must take more exercise.
When Pao Ching suggested they take a walk after lunch each day she refused. Everyone in Chungking knew her. She did not want to parade her unmarried shame in daylight. Pao Ching agreed, but he insisted that she obey the doctor's orders. So every night after the theater they walked together in the darkened streets. During these walks Pao Ching realized how much Lotus Charm had changed. Previously when they had walked together in Shanghai, Nanking, and Peiping, she would dance along ahead, holding his hand, asking a thousand questions. Now she walked slowly and always behind, as if she was ashamed to walk beside him. What could he say to comfort her? In vain did he try to think, but the appropriate thoughts evaded him.
“If only I could find Meng Liang," he said half aloud. “He could explain many things for us."
“I don't want to think of anything," replied Lotus Charm moodily. “I'm just waiting for the baby to come. It's better not to think."
There was nothing Pao Ching could say. If she didn't want to think, why should he try to make her. There was a lump in his throat. In the darkness of the night he saw her as a saintly young mother, carrying a sinless child. Her child would be pure and untainted, no matter what its ancestry. It could only be like its mother, a good, clean human being.
“Father, will you love my baby?" she asked suddenly. “Will you love him as much as you do Little King?"
It was Lotus Charm the child speaking again, posing a difficult question.
“Of course," he said with a chuckle. “All children deserve to be loved."
“You should love him more than the other one, father," she insisted. “He's illegitimate. He hasn't a father of his own, so you will have to be his father."
“Right, I will," he agreed. Why did she have to remind him of her baby's illegitimacy? And why should her child need more love? How could he be father to a baby that had no father?
The next week Lotus Charm gave birth to a baby girl. It weighed five pounds, was red and wrinkled, and looked like an old man who had lived a thousand years.
To Lotus Charm it was the most beautiful, the most intelligent, and the healthiest child in the whole world, even though her immediate world was limited to the bedroom where she lay with the tiny infant at her side.
The delivery was painful. But when it was over Lotus Charm felt she herself had been born again. She had expiated her sin with those terrible labor pains, those agonizing pincers that had torn at her flesh for hours. Yes, she had paid, and now she was at peace. She had accomplished the destiny of woman and brought a child into the world. She looked at the funny little wrinkled face and clutched the tiny emaciated body. This was her baby, part of her bone and her flesh, filled with her blood. No part of it ever could belong to Chang Wen. How wonderful that it was a girl and not a boy! If it had been a boy she would have worried lest it become a Chang Wen the Second. But this was a miniature Lotus Charm, and it would grow into the most beautiful girl in the world. This baby would have all the love she had never had, and she would work so that it could be educated, to avoid the mistakes she had made. She could see her daughter already as a girl student, coming home after school. And perhaps she would start her own education over again so as to be able to guide her baby.
She bared her breast and put the swollen nipple in the baby's mouth. Some of the milk spurted in a stream over the little red face. She took the nipple and pushed it in the baby's mouth again. The hungry lips sucked vigorously, drinking the milk out of her. This was the symbol of love: the love of her bosom pouring into the mouth of another generation. She knew that from then on her life would be all giving. She would not receive any more. Her function would be to give,until she died, to give to the new generation.
Mrs. Fang came in to watch. She was a little drunk, so she was in a mood to insult Lotus Charm. After all, the worthless girl had produced a girl baby. That was like a whore producing a whore, and thus continuing an endless chain. If it had been a boy, Lotus Charm's sin might have been worthwhile. A girl was just another potential trouble maker. But when she saw Lotus Charm with full round breast pressed against the baby's mouth, the unkind thoughts vanished. “You have courage, child," she said almost grudgingly. “And you have a nice baby ... Good luck to you."
The coming of Lotus Charm's baby faced Pao Ching with a social dilemma. He had a helped Little Liu give a party for Little King when the child was three days old, and another when the child was a month old. That was the custom, and Pao Ching was glad to show the neighbors that he was a rich and influential father_in_law and a happy grandfather. But what should he do for a little bastard, a baby who had no father? He scratched his head. There was no point in asking Mrs. Fang's opinion. She would say no, without hesitation. He did not like to put the problem to Lotus Charm, for she would be hurt. Thus he waited in unhappy indecision. Three days passed and Lotus Charm made no comment. Then it was too late for the three_day party. When the end of the month approached he was still undecided.
He watched Lotus Charm carefully, trying to decide whether she was offended because the child had not had a party when it was three days old. But she gave no sign of annoyance. On the contrary, she looked happier than ever before. She was eating heartily to increase the milk in her breasts, and her cheeks were plump and smooth. Her complexion was restored to its former beauty, and she looked lovely in the bloom of motherhood. She had taken to wearing her hair in a womanly bun now, and she spent almost all her time tending and washing the baby. Sometimes he heard her singing their old drum ballads to the youngster, and his heart quickened with pride. There, surely, was the loveliest little mother in all Chungking.
The attitude of his friends and his enemies decided the issue as to whether there should be a party or not. Some of the theater people were obviously sincere when they called to congratulate him. To them an illegitimate child was even more desirable than a legitmate one as it was a demonstration of the mother's love.
Then there were his conservative old_fashioned friends. They knew about the illegitimacy, but they never mentioned it. That was to save Pao Ching's face, and he felt warmly toward them for their reserve; although he knew that to save their own faces they were making it clear to the world that they did not approve of fatherless babies.
And there were his enemies, the gossips and those who were always anxious to needle him. They would come into the house and say loudly, “Congratulations, Boss Fang. I hear Lotus Charm has a daughter. How is the father?"
After a few of these people had called and mocked him, Pao Ching decided against having a party for the baby's first month. Why should he entertain those no_good rascals, who were laughing at him all the time. He had nothing to be ashamed of. Let them have their own party.
He was unhappy about the decision. He felt he had wronged Lotus Charm and the baby. But neither of them complained.
When the month was up Lotus Charm came back to the theater to sing.
Before she went on stage, she asked Pao Ching, “Father, what should I wear?"
“Wear whatever is beautiful," he said. He was happy that she was the star in his company once again.
“Father ..." She was about to say something more but hesitated.
“What?" Pao Ching asked.
“Funny, I really don't know what to wear. I wanted to become a student, but I had an illegitimate child instead. I wanted to run away from the theater, but now I am about to go on again. Funny, isn't it?" But she did not smile, and tears were in her eyes.
Pao Ching was momentarily at loss for words. He merely said, “Please think of helping me out."
She wore a plain dress. She wore little powder or lipstick on her face. She said to herself as she was putting on the make_up, “To put on a plain dress for the mourning of my past."
Then she kissed her baby passionately and rushed backstage.
Out in front, she decided to sing a most tragic love story.
She began to beat the drum strongly. Her voice was low and feminine now. Her eyes looked only at the center of the drum and not the audience. She was determined to put everything in her work to help her father; only by helping her father could she continue to live.
Her head bent lower and lower as she sang, for the tragic story was parallel to her own, and she did not want the audience to see her tears.
The song over, she lifted her face and calmly looked at the audience as though to say, “Now, what do you think of me?" Then she bowed, turned and walked slowly down the stage.
There was much applause. But at the same time, the audience seemed to find her baffling. She was fuller and prettier than before, yet she looked so tragic. She was young yet experienced, weak yet strong.
Five months slipped by, and Lotus Charm's baby still had no name. Pao Ching looked daily at the child to convince himself that she was not taking after her father. That would be terrible. But what to name her. She could be named Chang or Fang. But neither name seemed suitable. Chang he hated because it was her father's name, and Fang was not really Lotus Charm's name, because she was an adopted child. As a result, to everyone she was just Lotus Charm's baby.
Mrs. Fang took little notice of the child. She had decided that Little King, her grandson, should have all her love. She compromised with Pao Ching by being tolerant with Lotus Charm, but that was all. She wasn't doing a thing for the baby.
Seeing this, Pao Ching understood why Lotus Charm had asked him to give more of his love to her child, but he knew that if he showed partiality openly, it would cause war in the family. Lotus Charm's child was a bastard, and it would always be treated as such.
“I understand," agreed Lotus Charm when he told her that he could not give her child special attention. “I feel awful about her myself. There are times when I love her madly. At others, I could toss her out the window."
A month later Jeweled Lute returned asking for work. Her husband had spent all his money, and they had agreed to separate.
She took the separation like a good trouper. She shrugged her shoulders and smiled, lifting her ponderous bosoms. “I like to work," she cried. “So here I am."
Jeweled Lute adored Lotus Charm's baby. “You are so lucky, darling," she said, as she knelt on the floor and played with the baby's little pink toes. “I've done so much. Yet I have nothing. You at least have a baby. Why, having a baby of your own is worth more than all the money in the world."
Lotus Charm nodded. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She wanted to do both. But she merely hugged the baby and smiled acknowledgment.
Lotus Charm's baby had already learned to walk and was even talking a little by the time the Japanese finally surrendered after eight long years of war. The citizens of Chungking celebrated as best they could, even the starving university professors and civil servants. The profiteers flung their money about wildly. Everyone cried, “Long live China," even wounded soldiers who had given their blood for their country and had gotten nothing in return but rags and empty stomachs. The generals put on their dress uniforms and polished up their medals and posed in the streets, although some of them had never been near the front.
The ordinary citizens were a trifle bewildered. After eight years of war and semi_starvation, they had no money for victory drinks. But it cost nothing to cheer, so they cheered, and ran hither and thither joining in first one procession and then another.
Pao Ching stayed at home. He did not feel like taking part in any victory parade. Instead he sat with his head bowed, thinking of all that had happened to him in the past eight years. He had lost his best_loved elder brother. He had lost his best_loved daughter to a scoundrel, and she had had a baby. His dearest friend was in prison. Would Meng Liang be released now that peace was restored?
Pao Ching sighed. Then he smiled. He had to go on. Soon he would be able to take up the old life again and travel from Peiping to Nanking, wherever he wished, wherever there was an audience waiting to hear his drum singing. Yes, he must get on the road again. There was always money in show business. You sang when the flowers were blooming, and when they withered. You sang in peace, and you sang in war; and you were paid for your art. Show business was a good life after all.
There was so much to do. He had not organized his entertainers' club, nor his school to train drum singers. These things he must do, sometime.
A few days later, the Fang family began to pack. Pao Ching went out in search of steamboat tickets. Prices had soared over night, and the black market operators had moved in. It was the same as when the family had moved from the coast to Chungking. He spent a day bribing, soliciting, and giving concessions; and finally returned home with the news that he had spent most of his ready cash to secure space on the deck of the boat leaving in two days' time.
Pao Ching was youthful and exuberant again. The prospect of being on the move was exhilarating. He was going down the river under conditions that were much the same as they were when he came. He had no more luggage than when he came. His main pieces were the stringed instrument and the drum. But the number of his family had increased. He had lost his beloved brother, but he had two babies and Little Liu.
Lightheartedly, he thought of his less fortunate brothers, the Tangs, and went over to ask them if they would like to come along. It was foolish even to suggest it, he thought, but they were show people, and he hated the idea of leaving them in the capital without money. Fourth Master Tang shook his head when Pao Ching made him the offer. He wanted to stay. The price of opium was down in Chungking, and Jeweled Lute could still make enough money to keep them, even if she didn't sing a note.