28

Pao　Ching　paid　his　last　respects　to　his　elder　brother　the　day　before　the　boat　sailed.　Early　in　the　morning　he　went　to　South　Warm　Springs　and　climbed　the　hill　to　the　cemetery　where　Useless　Fang　lay　buried.　There　he　wept　until　there　were　no　more　tears.　The　weeping　was　a　relief,　as　if　he　were　washing　away　all　the　sorrow　and　tribulation　of　eight　long　years,　leaving　them　with　his　beloved　brother.

Lotus　Charm's　troubles　were　the　real　cause　of　his　tears.　His　elder　brother　had　loved　her　as　much　as　he,　and　had　not　Useless　Fang　watched　over　her　as　if　he　were　her　own　father？　If　he　had　lived,　this　trouble　and　shame　would　never　have　come　to　her.　And　Pao　Ching,　Kneeling　at　his　brother's　grave　on　the　green　hillside,　felt　that　he　must　ask　his　brother's　forgiveness　for　allowing　the　child　to　get　into　trouble.　Having　unburdened　himself,　he　implored　Useless　Fang　to　forgive　him　and　to　bless　the　whole　family.　Then　he　burned　some　paper　money　for　his　brother's　use　in　the　other　world,　and　went　back　to　Chungking.

Feeling　better　after　that　long　conversation　with　his　brother,　he　attacked　the　task　of　packing　with　the　vigor　of　a　young　men.　Mrs.　Fang　was　troublesome　as　always.　She　wanted　to　take　everything　with　her,　everything　from　cups　to　bamboo　tables　and　chairs.　Pao　Ching　solved　the　problem　by　giving　them　to　the　servants　in　the　theater　—　as　souvenirs　of　the　Fang　family.

Lotus　Charm　and　Phoenix　Girl　had　already　packed　most　of　the　things　they　would　need　for　their　two　children.　Grownups　could　travel　with　bare　necessities,　but　on　a　long　trip　babies　could　not,　so　there　was　plenty　to　do.

When　she　had　finished　her　packing,　Lotus　Charm　took　her　baby　and　went　out　into　the　streets,　to　take　a　last　look　at　Chung_king.　She　had　been　in　the　mountain　city　so　long　that　it　seemed　part　of　her.　With　the　baby　clutching　her　hand　and　toddling　beside　her,　she　began　to　walk.　Every　building　she　encountered　was　personal　history　to　her.　She　had　seen　the　new　temporary　buildings　built,　and　the　tall　handsome　facades　of　the　modern　structures　reduced　to　burning　masses　of　rubble　by　enemy　bombs.　The　war　had　changed　the　city,　and　she　realized　with　an　acute　pang　that　the　war　had　changed　her　too.

High　on　the　hill　the　air_raid　shelters　opened　their　huge　dark　mouths　like　blots　of　ink　on　the　landscape.　So　much　time　she　had　spent　in　those　caverns.　She　could　still　smell　the　damp　suffocating　air,　and　in　her　ears　was　the　sizzling　sound　of　flying　fragments　as　the　bombs　exploded.　Those　miserable　places　to　which　people　were　driven　by　war,　where　thousands　caught　malaria　and　other　diseases.　And　her　favorite　uncle　was　dead,　killed　by　an　enemy　bomb.　She　herself　was　alive,　but　it　seemed　to　her　as　she　struggled　to　keep　back　the　tears　that　she　would　be　better　off　dead,　she　and　her　nameless　little　girl　baby.

She　did　not　want　to　see　anything　else,　yet　the　urge　to　stay　was　too　strong.　This　city　had　a　strange　appeal　for　her.　What　was　it？　The　answer　came　in　a　flash　of　consciousness.　It　was　here　that　she　had　found　love　and　had　become　a　woman.　She　began　to　weep.　And　her　conscience　fretted　and　nagged　sharply.　Why　hadn't　she　gone　with　her　father　to　pay　her　respects　at　her　uncle's　grave　in　South　Warm　Springs？

She　picked　up　the　baby　and　walked　on.　Already　the　streets　of　the　city　had　changed.　Thousands　of　people　were　getting　ready　to　go　home,　and　in　the　streets　they　were　displaying　for　sale　the　things　they　did　not　want.　Everything　was　cheap.　A　number　of　people　had　come　in　from　the　country　to　pick　up　bargains,　and　their　arrival　started　competition　in　buying　between　them　and　the　townspeople　with　the　result　that　the　homeward　bound　refugees　picked　up　a　few　dollars.

Seeing　the　bargaining　going　on,　Lotus　Charm　felt　that　she　was　like　the　household　articles　the　people　had　for　sale.　She　was　old　now,　and　damaged,　almost　worthless　—　like　a　broken　bed　or　a　pair　of　worn　shoes.

A　sudden　impulse　seized　her,　and　she　hurried　on　till　she　came　to　a　familiar　turning　off　the　main　street.　She　must　go　see　the　little　house　where　she　and　Chang　Wen　had　lived.　There　was　her　love　chamber,　and　her　prison,　where　she　had　suffered　all　the　tortures　that　hell　has　for　a　woman　still　alive.　Thinking　of　her　experiences,　she　stopped　short.　Her　legs　would　not　move,　and　her　heart　was　pounding　painfully.　The　baby　was　heavy　in　her　arms.　She　put　it　down.　In　that　little　house　she　had　experienced　love.　She　had　known　everything　that　was　pleasant,　and　all　the　horrors　of　desertion　and　cruelty.　Some　things　in　life　she　might　forget,　but　never　would　she　forget　that　little　room.　It　would　be　with　her　to　the　end　of　her　days,　every　stick　of　furniture,　every　piece　of　fabric,　the　beautiful　comforter,　the　holes　in　the　ceiling,　and　every　moment　of　exquisite　passion,　every　drawn_out　hour　of　torture.　These　were　engraved　on　the　memory　of　her　heart.

She　picked　up　the　baby　and　forced　herself　to　walk　on.　She　was　sweating　as　she　came　in　sight　of　the　alley.　There　was　her　love　nest.　How　sordid　and　tiny　it　seemed！　Was　it　possible　that　there　she　had　known　the　greatest　heights　of　love？　Was　this　pigsty　her　palace？

She　put　the　baby　down,　then　bent　over　and　kissed　its　warm　little　head.　The　house　might　be　small,　it　might　be　ruined,　and　it　might　be　pulled　down　to　make　way　for　a　new　building;　but　she　had　something　that　would　live　on　and　give　birth　to　others,　her　baby.

Oh,　to　go　inside　and　look　at　the　little　room！　Were　the　huge　gaping　rat　holes　still　there？　Did　anyone　live　in　it？　She　entered　the　door　of　the　ruined　house　and　stood　looking　at　the　entrance　to　her　bridal　chamber.　Did　it　belong　to　Chang　Wen　still？　Was　anyone　there？　Then　the　door　of　the　room　opened　slowly,　and　a　young　woman　walked　out.　Her　face　was　heavy　with　make_up　and　she　wore　a　red　dress.　Lotus　Charm　turned　and　stumbled　away,　her　baby　clutched　in　her　arms.　Some　other　young　woman　was　living　in　her　room,　a　prostitute　perhaps,　or　a　bride.　What　did　it　matter.　Women　were　all　alike,　frail　and　worthless.

She　found　it　difficult　to　walk　away.　It　was　as　if　the　house　had　invisible　chains　which　bound　it　to　her.　And　the　image　of　Chang　Wen　formed　in　her　eyes.　She　hated　him.　He　was　brutal,　but　he　had　become　part　of　her.　Suppose　he　were　to　appear　now　and　tell　her　to　come　with　him.　What　would　she　do？　She　would　go.　She　would　go　even　though　she　knew　that　in　a　matter　of　hours　he　would　throw　her　aside　like　a　soiled　shirt.　Love　was　like　that.　His　love　had　poisoned　her　and　made　her　his　slave.　She　hurried　way,　the　baby　jolting　in　her　arms.　She　must　get　away,　she　must　never　see　him　again.　When　she　could　run　no　more　she　stopped　for　breath　and　looked　over　her　shoulder　to　see　if　he　were　following.　Around　her　was　the　destroyed　city.　The　city　would　be　rebuilt,　but　nothing　could　ever　restore　her.

When　she　came　in　sight　of　the　theater　she　felt　restored.　Silly　to　give　way　to　her　imagination.　Her　association　with　Chang　had　not　killed　her.　She　was　still　alive　after　the　agony　of　childbirth;　nothing　could　destroy　her　except　herself.　She　was　fragile　perhaps,　and　she　was　young,　but　she　had　strength　and　courage.　She　was　not　afraid　of　life.　She　raised　her　face　suddenly　and　looked　up　at　the　sky.　Happiness　would　come　again.　She　would　go　out　and　look　for　it,　and　she　would　deserve　it.　On　that　she　was　determined.

She　kissed　her　baby.　“Is　mama　pretty？"　she　asked.

The　baby　gurgled　and　lisped,　“Mama,　mama."

“Is　mama　brave？"

“Mama！"

“Shall　we　be　happy？"

The　baby　laughed,　“Mama！"

“Then　we　shall　go　together　to　see　the　world.　To　Nanking,　to　Shanghai.　Mama　will　sing　and　earn　money　for　you.　Mama　is　afraid　of　nothing.

When　she　got　home　she　was　serene　and　smiling.　Pao　Ching　gave　her　a　long　searching　look.　Something　had　happened　to　her.　Had　she　fallen　in　love　again？　The　sooner　they　were　on　the　boat,　the　better.

They　were　off　again.　The　little　steamboat　was　crowded.　Everything　was　just　as　it　had　been　seven　years　before.　The　decks　were　piled　high　with　luggage.　People　were　trying　to　go　everywhere　and　cursing　because　they　could　not.　No　one　could　get　to　the　dining　saloon,　so　the　waiters　had　to　carry　the　food　to　the　people　where　they　stood.　And　the　funnel　was　pouring　black　soot　on　the　decks.　Babies　were　crying,　and　old　people　were　grumbling.

The　only　difference　was　that　there　was　no　fear　in　the　hearts　of　the　passengers.　The　war　was　over.　That　was　all　that　mattered.　Not　even　those　deep　gorges　had　any　terror　any　more.　Everyone　on　board　was　hoping　that　they　would　soon　reach　the　gorges,　for　that　would　mean　they　were　near　Ichang　and　nearer　home.

The　people　were　happy.　The　people　from　the　north　were　already　imagining　they　could　see　the　great　plains　along　the　banks　of　the　Yellow　River　and　smell　the　sunbaked　yellow　earth.　That　was　home　and　heaven　to　them.　And　the　southerners　were　already　seeing　the　flowers　of　their　native　land　in　bloom　and　the　bamboo　trees　growing　in　green　splendor.　So　they　sang　and　drank,　and　played　games　on　their　fingers.

But　Pao　Ching　had　changed.　He　was　no　longer　as　brisk　and　active　as　he　had　been　seven　years　earlier.　Time　had　exacted　penalties　from　him.　There　were　white　streaks　on　his　temples　now,　and　his　face　was　thinner,　so　thin　that　his　eyes　looked　enormous　and　his　cheeks　hollow.　But　he　kept　moving　about　as　best　he　could,　greeting　his　fellow　passengers　and　cracking　jokes.　Often　he　sat　down　to　rest　on　the　deck,　looking　at　Lotus　Charm　and　her　baby.　Seven　years　—　almost　a　lifetime,　and　how　that　lifetime　had　wronged　her.

It　was　too　dangerous　to　travel　by　night　along　the　Yangtze　gorges.　The　ship　anchored　at　the　foot　of　a　hill.　On　top　of　the　hill　was　an　ancient　walled　city　which　Pao　Ching　and　his　family　could　see　from　the　boat.

Early　next　morning,　the　captain　of　the　ship　made　an　announcement.　There　was　something　wrong　with　the　engine　which　would　take　two　days　to　repair.

Toward　evening　of　the　third　day,　another　ship　anchored　nearby　for　the　night.

Pao　Ching　went　over　to　look　at　the　ship.　Most　of　its　passengers　were　leaving　to　go　up　the　hill　to　do　a　tour　of　the　ancient　city.　Pao　Ching　had　been　up　there　the　night　before,　so　he　did　not　want　to　go　with　the　crowd.　He　turned,　and　strolled　slowly　and　thoughtfully　along　the　river　bank,　his　hands　folded　behind　him.

He　had　not　walked　far　when　someone　suddenly　patted　him　on　the　shoulder.　As　he　swung　around,　his　eyes　widened　with　joy.　Meng　Liang　the　playwright　was　standing　there,　his　face　bright　with　a　smile.　He　looked　very　thin,　almost　like　a　skeleton.　He　told　Pao　Ching　he　was　on　board　the　boat　which　had　just　anchored,　and　that　he　had　been　pardoned.

“Victory　is　here,"　he　said　with　a　smile.　“So　they　let　me　out.　You　ask　how　I　got　out,　but　to　me　it　is　more　important　to　know　how　I　got　in."

Pao　Ching　nodded.　“I　never　understood　why　they　should　arrest　you.　You　did　not　commit　any　crime.　I　tried　to　get　you　out,　but　no　one　would　tell　me　where　you　were."

“I　know.　My　friends　were　worried　about　me,　but　I　was　more　worried　about　the　people　who　put　me　in　jail　...　about　their　minds　..."

They　were　slient.　Both　were　thinking　of　the　injustice　that　had　been　done　to　Meng　Liang,　but　the　serenity　of　the　flowing　river,　the　sweet　odor　of　the　grass,　and　the　peace　of　the　sky　calmed　their　thoughts.

Later　Pao　Ching　suggested　that　Meng　Liang　should　go　to　see　Lotus　Charm.　He　explained　that　she　had　a　baby,　and　his　face　turned　red　as　he　spoke.　Meng　Liang　was　undisturbed.　“I'll　see　her　later,"　he　said.　“Poor　little　thing.　She　has　been　in　prison　like　me.　Only　I　was　in　a　physical　jail,　and　she　was　in　a　mental　one."

Pao　Ching　sighed.　“I　just　don't　understand　her,　nor　can　I　comfort　or　advise　her.　She　is　my　real　worry.　In　this　turmoil　of　war,　I　as　a　mere　entertainer　have　been　very　lucky　to　make　a　better　living　than　many　others　who　were　more　capable　than　I.　But,　Lotus　Charm　was　like　a　curse　cast　on　my　good　fortune！"

“I　know."　Meng　Liang　got　up　and　stretched　his　legs.　“My　dear　second　elder　brother,　many　of　your　actions　follow　the　times,　but　you　don't　know　it."

“Give　me　an　example."

“Your　not　wanting　to　sell　her　is　a　good　example.　But　that　was　not　your　own　idea.　The　changing　times　made　you　change　too.　Your　wife　has　no　feeling　about　selling　human　beings,　because　the　times　have　not　touched　her.　Many　people　living　today　have　not　even　been　touched　by　the　present.　That　saying　of　hers,　`All　entertainers　are　unlucky,'　started　some　eight　hundred　years　ago.　But　she　is　still　staying　it　as　though　it　were　new.　So　you　see,　you　are　more　advanced　than　she　is.　You　are　walking　ahead　of　her."

“Thank　you."　Pao　Ching　bowed.

“If　time　were　like　this　river,"　continued　Meng　Liang,　“some　fish　would　swim　along　with　the　stream,　others　would　hide　under　a　rock　and　never　move."

“Rock　carp　don't　move,"　Pao　Ching　observed.

“Neither　does　you　wife.　You　move　ahead,　and　you　know　it　is　not　right　to　sell　human　beings.　But　you've　gone　only　so　far.　In　other　matters　you　hide　yourself　under　rock　and　become　a　rock　carp.　You　wouldn't　recognize　that　Lotus　Charm　needed　love,　so　you　wouldn't　give　her　sound　advice.　Lotus　Charm　wanted　love　but　was　upset　at　not　getting　it.　The　first　man　who　came　along　took　advantage　of　her　...　She　thought　it　was　love.　Love　and　lust　are　little　different.　Yet　you　introduced　Chang　Wen　to　her　...　If　you　had　understood　then　that　love　is　nothing　to　be　ashamed　of,　you　could　have　talked　with　her　frankly　and　guided　her　to　the　right　path.　But　you　used　the　same　old　make_do　methods　on　her　which　you　used　to　handle　your　fellow　entertainers　and　others.　You　failed　because　you　misjudged　the　times　—　and　Lotus　Charm　received　nature's　oldest　punishment　for　her　modern　courage.　Both　you　and　she,　my　dear　second　elder　brother,　were　rolled　into　a　whirlpool."　Meng　Liang　pointed　his　finger　at　a　whirlpool　in　the　river.

Pao　Ching　leaned　over　to　look　at　the　swiftly　flowing　river.　“I　hope　she　can　get　out　safely."

“Tomorrow　we　go　through　the　gorges,"　Meng　Liang　remarked.　“There　will　be　many　whirlpools.　But　an　experienced　navigator　can　sail　a　ship　through　the　worst.　That　was　why　I　suggested　that　Lotus　Charm　go　to　school.　With　sufficient　knowledge　and　experience　she　would　not　get　lost　in　the　whirlpool　of　life.　But　I've　done　something　for　which　I　am　very　sorry.　I　didn't　know　the　school　was　as　bad　as　it　was.　A　girl　of　Lotus　Charm's　sort　naturally　could　not　take　such　insults.　I　shall　be　embarrassed　when　I　see　her.　I　treated　her　like　my　own　daughter,　but　quite　unintentionally　I　was　the　cause　of　all　her　troubles."

After　a　long　pause　Pao　Ching　asked,“Do　you　think　that　if　Lotus　Charm　had　studied　at　that　school　she　would　never　have　run　into　trouble？　Don't　young　people　who　speak　so　much　of　love　by　their　own　choice　often　get　themselves　into　trouble？"

“The　tragedy　of　love　can　be　found　anywhere　any　time,"　answered　Meng　Liang.　“It　was　not　specially　prepared　for　Lotus　Charm.　Knowledge　and　experience　could　only　help,　but　they　are　not　tragedy_proof.　And　please　don't　think　this　is　the　end　just　because　Lotus　Charm　has　a　baby.　Love　is　experience.　She　will　grow　in　mental　stature　by　suffering.　Losing　her　virginity　won't　keep　her　from　going　ahead.　She　can　still　get　back　her　self_confidence　and　self_respect,　if　you　will　guide　her　and　encourage　her."　Meng　Liang　looked　at　Pao　Ching　as　though　he　was　afraid　Pao　Ching　might　not　believe　what　he　said.　He　opened　his　shirt　and　revealed　streaks　of　scarred　flesh.　“This　was　what　they　did　to　me　in　jail,　burnt　with　the　tips　of　incense."

Pao　Ching　gasped.　Meng　Liang　continued,　“But　these　wounds　are　healed　now.　I　am　still　myself.　I　shall　still　write　books　and　say　what　I　want　to　say.　I　am　not　ashamed　of　these　scars,　and　certainly　I　did　not　surrender　to　evil　because　of　the　temporary　pain.　I　shall　continue　my　work　till　they　come　to　get　me　again.　I　am　not　afraid　if　my　bones　are　ground　up　for　fertilizer,　so　long　as　plants　can　grow　flowers　of　freedom.　Lotus　Charm's　wound　is　similar　to　mine,　in　a　sense.　I　told　the　truth,　and　I　was　put　in　jail.　I　wrote　about　things　I　believed,　and　I　was　tortured.　Lotus　Charm　wanted　to　remake　her　life　according　to　her　own　desire,　and　she,　too,　had　her　punishment.　Better　times　will　come.　But　before　they　do,　many　people　will　be　sacrificed."

As　Meng　Liang　paused　for　breath,　Pao　Ching　raised　his　hand　to　touch　the　wounds　on　his　chest.　But　Meng　Liang　quickly　buttoned　up　his　shirt.　“Never　mind　me,"　Meng　Liang　said.　“Lotus　Charm　is　being　punished.　And　don't　just　pity　her.　Try　to　understand　her.　She　has　intelligence　and　wants　to　improve　herself.　If　you　realize　that　she　has　been　a　victim　of　the　times,　you　can　encourage　her　and　educate　her,　and　restore　her　hopes.　Don't　be　afraid　of　Chang　Wen.　He　and　his　sort　will　be　eliminated　eventually.　The　union　between　him　and　Lotus　Charm　is　the　clash　of　two　different　forces.　Look　there！"　Meng　Liang　pointed　at　the　water.　“A　fish　and　a　rat　are　turning　around　in　that　whirlpool.　The　rat　will　soon　be　dead,　but　the　fish　will　swim　out　of　the　whirlpool　and　live　again.　If　Chang　Wen　and　his　sort　were　to　survive,　as　the　rat　might　have　if　it　had　sense　enough,　our　country　would　be　finished.　If　Lotus　Charm　is　to　have　happiness　again,　then　China　has　hope.　It　may　not　be　easy　for　her　to　find　happiness,　but　you　and　I　must　think　for　her,　and　guide　her　to　the　path　of　happiness."

The　setting　sun　threw　a　pattern　of　gold　on　the　surface　of　the　water,　lighting　up　a　tiny　whirlpool.　And　there　Pao　Ching　saw　the　smiling　image　of　Lotus　Charm.　Seaweed　was　floating　around　her　face　like　her　two　little　braids.　He　began　to　murmur　to　himself　the　lines　from　an　ancient　drum　ballad:　“Endlessly　flows　the　river,　endlessly　flows　the　blood."