22

Since　the　Japanese　attack　on　Pearl　Harbor,　enemy　planes　had　not　come　over　Chungking.　There　were　frequent　air_raid　alarms,　but　no　planes　arrived.　Cities　such　as　Chengtu,　Kunming,　and　Kweilin　were　now　of　greater　military　importance,　being　bases　of　the　American　Fourteenth　Air　Force.

The　deceptive　semblance　of　peace　in　Chungking　and　a　growing　sense　of　security　persuaded　the　Fang　family　to　remain　there　through　the　summer.　Chungking　was　oppressively　hot,　but　it　was　home　and　theater　business　was　good.

One　day　Pao　Ching　suffered　a　shock,　almost　as　jolting　as　an　air　raid.　He　decided　to　visit　the　school　to　find　out　what　progress　his　daughter　was　making.　Dressed　in　his　best,　with　a　present　for　Lotus　Charm's　teacher　under　his　arm,　he　toiled　up　the　hill　in　the　hot　sunshine.

The　old　lady　was　frank.　She　told　him　everything,　including　the　reason　why　Lotus　Charm　stayed　away.　She　offered　to　return　the　heavy　tuition　he　had　paid.　Pao　Ching　ignored　her　offer.　He　was　stunned　momentarily.　Quickly,　however,　he　realized　the　indignity　Lotus　Charm　must　have　suffered,　how　it　must　have　wounded　her　sensitive　nature.　Had　he　not　had　similar　experiences　himself？　The　stigma　of　being　a　public　entertainer　stuck　to　him　and　his　family.　They　were　forever　marked　as　outcasts.　But　he　had　to　live　on,　make　the　best　of　it,　and　better　himself;　otherwise　he　would　merit　the　contempt　shown　him.

He　walked　home　in　a　thoughtful　mood.　Half　of　his　mind　was　angry　with　Lotus　Charm,　the　other　half　was　full　of　sympathy.　What　was　he　to　do？　As　a　man,　he　was　sure　he　was　worthy　as　the　next;　as　an　entertainer,　he　was　high　in　his　class.　And　his　war　services.　Did　they　not　count？　Hadn't　he　given　his　services　gratis,　without　even　charging　transportation　expense？　He　had　never　done　anything　to　harm　either　his　country　or　the　community　in　which　he　lived.　Why　was　he　eternally　looked　down　on？　He　raised　his　tortured　face　to　the　sky.

He　remembered　something　Meng　Liang　had　said.　No,　he　did　not　understand　modern　times.　That　he　admitted.　But　even　these　modern　times　of　which　Meng　Liang　was　so　proud　had　not　wiped　out　the　bad　customs　of　yesterday.　Why,　in　this　great　young　republic　of　China,　did　people　still　consider　entertainers　lower　than　dirt　on　their　shoes？　He　was　angry　now　with　Meng　Liang.

He　found　Lotus　Charm　squatting　on　the　floor　in　the　living　room　playing　cards.　He　had　decided　to　humor　her,　because　scolding　would　never　work.　“So,"　he　said　with　a　broad　smile,　“I　have　caught　you,　little　monkey.　Your　father　pays　a　lot　of　money　for　you　to　go　to　school,　and　what　do　you　do？　You　play　instead.　Is　that　right？"

Lotus　Charm　blushed.　She　looked　up　at　Pao　Ching,　but　did　not　answer.　She　was　biting　her　thin　lips,　as　if　to　control　them.

Pao　Ching　continued　in　the　same　mood.　“And　where　did　you　go,　little　miss？　I　hope　you　kept　good　company.　You　know　how　I　worry　over　you."

She　was　able　to　smile.　“Oh,　I　just　went　to　the　movies.　I　like　the　movies,　and　a　girl　is　quite　safe　there.　The　theaters　are　dark,　so　no　one　can　see　you,　and　I　learn　quite　as　much　as　I　would　at　school.　I　tried　walking　round　the　streets　to　enjoy　the　fresh　air,　but　everyone　stared　at　me,　so　I　went　to　the　movies."

Pao　Ching　frowned.　“And　your　books,　where　are　they？"

“I　tore　them　up.　I'm　not　going　to　study　any　more."

“You　mean　that？"

“Absolutely.　Why　should　I？　If　I　study,　people　look　down　on　me.　If　I　don't,　they　do　the　same　thing.　Why　waste　time　and　energy？　I　want　to　have　fun."　Her　face　was　pale　now,　and　bitterness　rang　in　her　voice.

“So　you　believe　all　those　things　your　mother　said,　that　an　entertainer　cannot　get　on？"

No　answer.

“Just　think,"　went　on　Pao　Ching,　“think　of　all　the　trouble　and　energy　you　and　I　have　expended　to　build　ourselves　a　reputation　in　Chungking　—　a　city　where　we　were　total　strangers.　Suppose　we　had　given　up.　Where　would　we　be　now？　Why　should　people　look　down　on　us？　We　are　not　like　the　Tangs.　Have　you　forgotten　what　Commander　Wang's　wife　said？"

Lotus　Charm　shook　her　head.　“I　haven't　forgotten."　She　repeated　in　parrot　fashion　with　biting　scorn,　“No　one　can　look　down　on　you　if　you　do　not　look　down　on　yourself."

Tears　filled　her　eyes.　Pao　Ching　wanted　to　bend　over　and　pat　her　shoulder,　but　something　restrained　him.

“Father,"　she　pleaded　at　length,　“leave　me　alone.　I　am　better　off　the　way　I　am.　I　am　happier　when　I　live　from　day　to　day,　with　no　responsibility."

So　she　was　taking　the　easy　way　out,　like　other　girl　entertainers.　These　girls　were　respected　by　no　one;　they　did　as　they　pleased,　going　from　pleasure　to　vice　and　deeper　into　shame,　without　a　thought　of　tomorrow　or　a　care　for　a　decent　life.　Playthings　when　they　were　young,　human　garbage　when　they　were　old.　His　heart　quivered　with　horror.　This　child,　this　flower　in　the　flesh,　going　the　same　way.

“Let　me　hire　a　private　tutor　for　you.　He'll　come　to　teach　you　at　home,"　he　said　finally.

No　answer.

“Please,　Lotus　Charm,"　he　pleaded,　“consider　it.　You　could　study　here　all　the　subjects　you　would　have　had　at　school."

Still　she　didn't　answer.　His　temper　flared　at　last.　He　had　taken　enough.　She　was　not　talking.　The　impudent　little　...　His　mouth　clamped　tight,　and　he　flung　out　his　arms　in　a　desperate　gesture.　“Lotus　Charm,"　he　pleaded,　“please,　please.　I　have　a　temper,　too.　There　is　a　limit　to　what　a　man　can　stand.　Learn　to　be　good　while　you　can,　and　take　what　I　offer.　If　you　go　the　way　your　mother　talks　of　..."　He　paused,　and　then　white_lipped,　he　flung　it　at　her,　“If　I　have　to　do　with　you　what　your　mother　suggests　...　it　will　be　too　late."

She　sprang　up　and　turned　toward　him,　her　face　livid,　her　eyes　blazing.　With　her　dark　mass　of　ruffled　hair　and　the　tense　poise　of　her　supple　young　body,　she　looked　like　a　wild　animal.　“All　right,　do　as　you　like.　I　am　grown_up　now,　I　am　eighteen　and　can　look　after　myself.　If　anyone　dares　try　to　sell　me,　I'll　..."

He　cut　her　short　in　a　solemn,　almost　contrite　tone　of　voice.　“I　won't　sell　you,　Lotus　Charm.　You　know　that."　His　voice　broke.　“But　please,　oh,　please,　don't　make　it　too　diffficult　for　me.　Life　is　hard　enough　without　adding　to　it.　Let's　help　each　other."

Without　another　word　she　went　to　her　room.　On　the　bed　she　lay　reflecting.　Perhaps　she　shouldn't　have　turned　down　that　offer　of　a　private　tutor,　but　she　was　no　longer　interested　in　books.　She　had　found　something　else,　something　more　vital.　And　she　had　found　it　alone,　without　the　help　of　Meng　Liang　or　Jeweled　Lute.　She　was　on　the　threshold　now.　Why　wait　to　be　a　good　student,　to　be　allowed　to　hold　hands　in　public.　She　wanted　to　do　that,　and　more.　Love　wasn't　books　and　music.　It　was　something　in　the　body,　and　a　man　and　a　woman.　It　was　warm　and　fiery,　and　sweet　and　moist.　That　she　had　learned　as　her　own　body　flamed　with　the　desire　of　untutored　thoughts.

She　lay　entranced,　her　limbs　stiff,　her　hands　clasped.　Then　from　across　the　plain　came　a　roar　of　thunder.　She　sprang　up.　Thunder,　the　nameless　fear.　Quickly　she　ran　into　the　living　room.　Her　father　was　still　sitting　there.　He　looked　older.　His　head　was　bowed,　and　his　face　was　lined.　She　sat　in　the　chair　by　the　door　hoping　he　wouldn't　see　her.　The　thunder　pealed　again,　and　she　shuddered.　Suddenly　Pao　Ching　looked　up.　“Don't　be　frightened,　Lotus　Charm.　The　thunder　won't　hurt　you.　Remember　that　Meng　Liang　said　educated　people　are　never　afraid　of　thunder　...　They　know　what　it　is."

She　went　back　to　her　bedroom,　stripped　off　her　dress,　and　lay　bare_legged　and　bare_shouldered　in　the　warm　gleaming　of　the　darkened　sky　outside.

Wait.　Wait　for　what？　Meng　Liang　had　said　wait.　Everyone　said　wait.　Was　she　to　wait　for　her　father　to　find　her　a　husband,　or　for　her　drunken　mother　to　sell　her？　How　foolish！　The　characters　in　the　movies　never　waited.　They　went　after　what　they　wanted,　and　they　got　it.　Did　they　study？　No！　She　wouldn't　either,　and　she　wouldn't　wait.　She　would　put　out　her　hand　and　touch　fire.　What　matter　if　it　burned.　The　pain　would　be　pleasant.　Love　was　the　solution　to　everything.

A　pulse　deep　inside　her　was　beating.　She　seemed　to　be　listening　to　it　in　a　great　silence.　The　rhythm　was　sweet　and　stimulating,　as　if　some　part　of　her　were　opening　like　a　bud　to　welcome　love.

She　thought　of　Li　Yuan,　and　the　pulse　became　faster.　She　had　met　him　at　a　movie.　He　was　her　dark　handsome　secret.　He　was　about　twenty_five.　Tall,　with　a　large　square　face,　big　masculine　hands　and　feet.　His　features　were　regular,　and　his　small　dark　eyes　were　softly　liquid　and　expressive.　Although　everything　about　him　was　large,　he　was　the　most　graceful　man　she　had　ever　seen.　And　when　he　smiled　he　showed　handsome　teeth　that　stimulated　her　in　a　strange　way　she　could　not　understand.

Li　Yuan　worked　as　secretary　to　the　wife　of　the　director　of　a　government　department.　His　job　did　not　require　much　education,　but　he　could　read　and　write,　and　handled　the　family　shopping　and　bookkeeping.　He　kept　the　lists　of　all　those　who　made　presents　to　his　boss's　wife,　and　ran　errands.　He　was　paid　by　the　government,　although　his　chief's　wife　was　not　a　civil　servant.　It　was　a　case　of　an　amiable　young　man　having　a　soft　job,　and　liking　it.　The　job　had　some　disadvantages.　The　pay　was　miserable,　but　it　included　the　title　of　secretary,　and　in　some　quarters　that　carried　weight.

One　day　he　noticed　Lotus　Charm　going　into　a　movie　house,　and　followed　her.　That　started　their　friendship.　Lotus　Charm　liked　having　a　man　sitting　beside　her　in　the　dark,　and　Li　Yuan　was　flattered　to　accompany　the　most　popular　drum　singer　in　Chungking.

The　first　time　he　spoke　to　her　she　blushed,　but　soon　the　two　of　them　had　settled　down　to　an　innocent　pattern　of　enjoying　movies　together.

At　first　their　association　progressed　slowly　and　with　perfect　decorum.　Their　faces　might　come　close　in　the　dark;　then　Lotus　Charm　would　move　away.　But　his　face　had　come　near　enough　to　send　pulses　racing　through　her　body.　And　sometimes　Li　Yuan's　cheek　stayed　so　near　to　hers　that　she　felt　she　was　about　to　turn　into　flame.

The　affair　had　taken　on　sufficient　intensity,　that　she　expected　he　would　kiss　her　when　the　picture　on　the　screen　ended,　like　the　leading　man　did　the　star.　But　Li　Yuan　made　no　move.　She　would　look　at　him　in　sudden　exasperation,　without　moving　her　head,　and　see　him　sitting　there　looking　stiffly　at　the　screen.　That　made　her　want　to　leave　without　even　saying　goodbye.　Didn't　he　know　a　woman　expected　something？　But　he　always　sensed　she　was　going,　and　would　say　“See　you　tomorrow　—　same　time"　and　stayed　watching　the　movie　while　she　went　home.

The　next　day　she　decided　she　would　not　go　to　the　movie　house.　Why　sit　and　see　pictures　with　an　unexpressive　man？　And　why　be　cheap　by　going　to　meet　a　man　who　wouldn't　be　seen　in　the　street　with　her？　Why　did　he　never　ask　her　to　dinner？　She　flamed　with　anger,　but　at　two　o'clock　she　rushed　to　the　theater,　and　went　to　her　usual　seat.　After　all,　he　was　the　first　man　in　whom　she　had　been　interested;　and　he　was　handsome,　even　if　he　did　sit　like　a　dummy.

And　suddenly　he　was　there.　He　had　been　waiting　in　the　lobby　and　followed　her　in.　In　the　half　dark　he　looked　more　handsome　than　ever.　And　he　was　sitting　closer　than　before.　When　he　spoke　he　put　his　lips　so　near　to　her　ear　that　she　could　feel　his　warm　breath.　Her　heart　beat　faster　and　the　little　wayward　pulses　began　to　spread　again.

Then　he　reached　over　and　took　her　hand.　Her　hand　lay　in　his　like　an　imprisoned　white　bird,　soft,　tender,　scared　—　his　touch　gentle,　although　his　hand　was　large.　She　did　not　dare　move;　presently　her　hand　began　to　perspire.

She　took　it　away　gently　and　wiped　the　palm　with　her　handkerchief.　Why　should　she　allow　him　to　hold　her　hand　all　the　time？　She　mustn't　be　cheap.

When　the　movie　was　over　Li　Yuan　placed　his　lips　almost　on　her　ear　and　whispered.　Would　she　have　dinner　with　him？　Her　heart　jumped.　She　had　made　progress.　He　was　going　to　take　her　out　to　dinner.　No　thought　as　to　whether　he　had　money,　as　to　how　many　catties　of　salt　this　dinner　might　cost　his　employer.　Dinner　with　Li　Yuan.　Of　course　she　would　love　it.　How　wonderful！

He　took　her　to　a　small　and　exceedingly　dirty　restaurant.　This　was　an　old_fashioned　restaurant　that　provided　rooms　for　those　who　wanted　to　dine　in　privacy.　Li　Yuan　brought　her　there　to　impress　her　with　his　knowledge　of　life,　but　it　was　entirely　lost　on　Lotus　Charm.　She　did　not　know　the　old_fashioned　eating_house　was　one　of　the　most　expensive　places　in　all　Chungking.

He　ordered　wine.　She　drank　it,　and　choked　as　it　burned　her　throat.　But　she　smiled　and　pretended　to　like　it.　Wine　was　a　new　experience;　as　such　she　accepted　it.　She　was　hungry　for　experience.

Li　Yuan　was　strangely　silent.　She　was　aware　that　his　eyes　were　devouring　her.　They　seemed　to　sweep　all　over　her,　her　arms,　her　neck,　her　face.

“Why　do　you　stare　at　me　like　that？"　she　inquired　happily.

He　blushed,　and　could　not　say　a　word.

The　wine　had　stimulated　her.　She　wanted　to　sing　to　him,　but　she　lacked　courage.　There　were　so　many　things　she　wanted　to　say　and　the　words　of　the　love　ballads　would　be　appropriate.　When　she　struggled　to　find　words　of　her　own,　the　words　would　not　come.　So　they　both　sat,　awkward　and　quiet,　having　a　wonderful　time,　although　neither　could　find　words　for　their　thoughts.

They　met　often　after　that.　Even　if　their　lips　were　inarticulate,　their　hearts　were　silently　expressive;　and　their　smiles　walked　hand　in　hand.　Sometimes　she　scolded　him　when　he　would　not　walk　with　her,　or　be　seen　in　public　places.　“What　do　you　think　I　am？　Don't　you　like　me？　Am　I　not　good　enough　for　you？"　To　which　he　would　smile,　and　look　adoringly　at　her　with　his　expressive　eyes.

Sometimes　after　she　had　berated　him　he　would　bring　her　a　gift　—　a　box　of　candy　or　a　tiny　handkerchief.　She　liked　the　presents,　but　she　wondered　whether　to　take　them.　It　was　not　right　to　take　things　from　a　man,　her　father　had　taught　her.　Yet　she　dared　not　refuse　these　gifts.　Not　from　Li　Yuan.　She　could　not　offend　him;　once　when　she　had　hesitated,　he　had　looked　terribly　hurt.

After　two　months　Li　Yuan　was　still　only　holding　her　hand.　He　had　his　problems.　He　wanted　more　of　her,　but　he　was　afraid　of　complications.　He　had　no　money,　surely　not　enough　to　keep　a　wife.　And　he　was　puzzled　by　Lotus　Charm.　She　might　be　a　prostitute,　though　she　didn't　act　like　one.　Yet　she　wasn't　quite　a　proper　girl.　Either　way　he　could　get　into　a　mess.　He　loved　her　too　much　to　break　away,　and　he　was　too　afraid　to　possess　her　or　even　to　kiss　her.　He　was　all　sweat　and　hesitation.

Lotus　Charm　was　piqued　by　the　way　he　was　treating　her.　She　now　had　a　boy　friend　with　whom　she　could　hold　hands,　and　chat,　but　why　wasn't　he　a　little　more　aggressive　like　the　men　on　the　screen？　Why,　oh,　why？

The　summer　began,　and　Chungking　became　unbearably　hot.　Pao　Ching　was　sitting　in　the　theater　in　a　cool　gown　when　a　government　messenger　came　to　see　him.　Pao　Ching　was　to　come　to　the　house　of　the　head　of　a　government　department.　He　went　unperturbed.　The　call　probably　concerned　an　appearance　at　a　party.　He　had　been　there　before.

When　he　was　shown　into　the　parlor　of　the　large　house　where　the　government　official　lived,　he　sensed　something　wrong.　He　came　face　to　face　with　a　fashionably　dressed　woman　whom　he　knew　slightly.　It　was　plain　she　did　not　want　to　recall　their　previous　acquaintance.　“So　you　are　the　drum　singer　Pao　Ching,"　she　snorted　angrily.

He　nodded,　puzzled.

“You　have　a　daughter　named　Lotus　Charm？"

He　nodded　again,　his　heart　dilating　suddenly　with　anxiety.

“Well,　old　man,　get　this　straight.　If　your　daughter　wants　to　ply　her　trade　of　whoredom,　let　her　find　a　rich　man　instead　of　seducing　a　poor　government　clerk."　The　lady　was　beautifully　dressed;　her　clothes　were　costly;　her　hair　was　professionally　waved;　her　hands　were　exquisitely　manicured.　But　her　language！　Pao　Ching　had　not　heard　such　foul　talk　among　laborers.　None　of　it　would　he　use　himself.　This　woman　spoke　a　gutter　tongue　spiced　with　the　jargon　of　brothels.

When　she　had　finished　he　said　with　a　smile,　“Perhaps　you　will　explain.　I　am　completely　in　the　dark."

“It's　very　simple,　you　old--！"　she　cried.　“My　secretary　spent　fifty　thousand　dollars　of　my　money　on　your　trollop　of　a　daughter."　She　spat　on　the　floor.　Pao　Ching　moved　quickly　out　of　range.

“You　are　sure　that　is　true？"　he　inquired.

“How　could　it　be　otherwise？　Don't　you　know　your　own　daughter？"

He　shook　his　head.　“I　have　raised　her　carefully.　I　have　sent　her　to　school.　As　far　as　I　know　she　is　still　a　virgin,　and　certainly　she　has　never　done　anything　like　that　before.　I　am　pained　and　humiliated.　I　am　at　loss　for　words."

She　gave　him　a　hard　cold　stare.　“Li　Yuan　is　in　jail,"　she　said.　“He　couldn't　pay　his　debts.　But　he　admits　he　spent　the　money　on　your　daughter.　You'd　better　pay　it　back　and　save　your　face."

“I　most　certainly　will.　I　hope　that　if　I　do,　the　poor　young　man　will　be　released.　I　would　not　like　to　cause　him　any　misfortune,　nor　would　I　care　to　make　a　useless　sacrifice."

“You　pay　the　money　and　we'll　see　about　letting　him　out,"　snapped　the　woman.　Money　was　more　important　to　her　than　people.　Fifty　thousand　dollars,　her　week's　allowance　—　inflated　money,　to　be　sure-all　spent　on　a　whore.　She　had　never　been　so　vexed　in　her　life.

Pao　Ching　hurried　home.　Lotus　Charm　blushed　when　he　asked　her　if　she　knew　Li　Yuan.　“Did　you　accept　gifts　from　him？"　persisted　her　father　angrily.

She　nodded.　“Some　boxes　of　candy　and　a　small　handkerchief.　That's　all,　and　I　don't　care　for　them."

“Nothing　else？"

“No,　he　took　me　out　to　dinner　sometimes.　I　wasn't　especially　hungry,　but　he　wanted　me　to　go."

Pao　Ching　regarded　her　with　his　head　cocked　to　one　side.　Fifty　thousand　dollars！　Some　candy,　a　small　handkerchief,　a　few　dinners.　She　had　a　boy　friend,　and　she　admitted　it　readily.　Meng　Liang　had　said　she　was　ready　for　love,　and　here　it　was.　But　was　Li　Yuan　the　right　man？　Should　he　find　someone　else　and　marry　her　off　quickly？　If　he　punished　her　for　this　she　might　run　away.

“Lotus　Charm,"　he　asked　casually,　“how　were　things　between　you　and　him？　How　far　did　you　go？"

“Oh,　we　are　just　friends,"　she　answered　casually.　“We　went　to　the　movies　and　held　hands.　That's　all　—　nothing　else,　nothing　bad,　nothing　very　exciting."

“Hmm！"　Pao　Ching　shook　his　head.　“Well,　be　that　as　it　may,　your　boy　friend　is　in　prison.　He　stole　fifty　thousand　dollars　from　his　employer　and　she　says　he　spent　it　on　you."

Lotus　Charm　could　hardly　believe　what　her　father　was　saying.　A　man　going　to　prison　for　her！　How　romantic！　It　was　like　the　story　of　an　ancient　ballad.　Li　Yuan　languishing　in　jail　for　the　sake　of　love.　He　must　be　the　man　for　her　after　all,　even　though　he　was　undemonstrative.　He　would　be　released　one　day　like　the　lover　in　the　ancient　ballad　and　they　would　be　married　and　live　happily　ever　after.　She　must　go　visit　him　with　food　and　cigarettes.　She　saw　herself　a　tragic　faithful　wife　going　to　see　her　loved　one　behind　the　bars.　There　would　be　tears　in　her　eyes　and　a　wan　half　smile　on　her　lips.　Poor　Li　Yuan,　dear　brave　man　that　he　was.

“Lotus　Charm,"　announced　her　father　sternly,　“I　don't　understand　you.　This　is　nothing　to　smile　about.　We　have　earned　ourselves　a　good　name　in　this　city,　and　then　you　go　and　disgrace　us　with　your　disobedience　and　carelessness.　Shame　on　you."

Lotus　Charm　looked　at　him　with　an　incredulous　smile　on　her　face.　How　could　love　be　disgraceful？　Poor　father,　he　was　too　old　to　understand.　If　love　was　disgraceful,　why　did　people　sing　about　it　and　show　it　on　the　movie　screen？　Everything　from　faraway　America　was　about　love.　And　America　was　strong　and　powerful,　and　was　helping　China　drive　out　the　Japanese,　so　love　must　be　right.

“Well,　Lotus　Charm,"　her　father　said,　“what　have　you　to　say？"

“Just　this　,father.　Love　is　nothing　to　be　ashamed　of.　It　is　no　crime.　I　am　proud　of　Li　Yuan's　going　to　prison　for　me.　All　I　want　now　is　love！　Love,　father！　Do　you　hear,　love！　I　want　love！"

Pao　Ching　made　a　quick　decision.　She　was　really　in　love　with　Li　Yuan.　He　would　do　something　about　that.　As　soon　as　he　could　get　the　young　man　out　of　prison,　they　would　be　married.