21

After　Meng　Liang　had　gone,　Pao　Ching　sat　like　a　man　stunned.　Another　loss.　First,　his　beloved　brother,　and　then　his　best　friend　—　the　person　he　respected　most　in　the　world.　The　brilliant,　friendly,　and　understanding　Meng　Liang.　But　why　had　he　gone？　That　he　could　not　grasp.　And　his　lack　of　comprehension　made　him　unhappy.　It　was　as　if　Meng　Liang　had　given　him　a　mere　glimpse　of　the　outside　world,　and　left　him　in　darkest　ignorance.

How　did　Meng　Liang　differ　from　himself？　He　began　to　compare　his　life　with　that　of　Lotus　Charm's　teacher.　Point　by　point　he　reviewed　their　characteristics　and　behavior.　He　saw　his　own　duplicity　in　dealing　with　people.　His　diplomacy,　his　flattery,　and　his　finagling　seemed　suddenly　cheap.　Meng　Liang　was　bold　and　straightforward.　He　spoke　facts　right　to　the　face,　instead　of　approaching　a　subject　in　a　roundabout　way.　And　Pao　Ching　saw　himself　as　a　weak　person　ready　to　curry　favor　with　the　masses.

Pao　Ching　stood　up　suddenly.　He　put　the　letter　Meng　Liang　had　given　him　in　his　pocket　and　hurried　out　into　the　street.　He　would　be　devious　no　more.　He　was　going　to　look　at　the　school.　If　he　liked　it,　Lotus　Charm　would　start　her　studies　right　away.　No　more　delays.　Meng　Liang　was　right.　If　a　thing　was　to　be　done,　it　had　to　be　done　properly.　Yes,　he　would　do　his　best　for　Lotus　Charm,　do　everything　that　was　necessary,　and　give　her　the　chance　to　make　good.　If　she　failed　it　would　be　her　fault.　He　walked　faster,　his　face　lit,　his　heart　beating　with　excitement,　as　if　he　himself　were　about　to　start　a　new　life.

He　found　the　school　in　the　courtyard　of　a　huge　house　on　top　of　the　hill.　It　had　only　three　classrooms.　Its　principal　was　an　old　lady　who　had　opened　it　as　an　academy　for　grown_up　girls　who　wanted　education　and　for　those　who　had　missed　their　schooling　because　of　the　evacuation.

She　listened　to　him　with　polite　deference.　Pao　Ching　kept　nothing　back.　He　told　her　about　his　profession　and　why　he　wanted　Lotus　Charm　to　acquire　an　education.　He　stressed　particularly　his　daughter's　lowly　status.　The　old　school　teacher　quickly　made　it　plain　that　she　had　no　objection.　Everyone,　she　said,　should　have　the　right　to　go　to　school,　and　she　would　be　delighted　to　have　Lotus　Charm　as　a　student.　She　thought　it　best　for　Louts　Charm　to　start　with　three　courses　—　Chinese　language,　history,　and　mathematics.　That　would　take　only　three　hours　a　day.　Then　later,　if　Lotus　Charm　preferred,　she　could　take　up　cooking,　embroidery,　and　domestic　science,　all　useful　for　a　girl　contemplating　a　good　marriage.　For　these　courses　there　was　no　set　schedule,　the　teacher　cxplained,　and　his　daughter　could　practice　them　at　home.

She　explained　that　most　of　her　young　ladies　took　the　regular　courses　as　well　as　domestic　science　because　they　wanted　their　education　to　match　up　to　their　husbands.　“Times　have　changed,"　she　said　with　a　sad　smile.　“An　illiterate　girl　cannot　hope　to　get　married,　no　matter　how　pretty　she　is.　Not　to　the　right　type　of　man."

Her　words　opened　Pao　Ching's　darkened　mind　like　a　key.　She　was　saying　in　other　words　the　same　thing　as　Meng　Liang.　Times　had　changed.　A　girl　without　talents　was　no　longer　a　blessing,　but　a　liability.　To　get　a　husband　a　girl　had　to　be　literate.

The　price　of　the　tuition　shook　him　a　trifle.　It　was　fabulous,　but　he　paid　it　willingly.　Anything　so　that　Lotus　Charm　might　receive　an　education　and　associate　with　girls　of　good　station.　He　had　almost　forgotten　Meng　Liang's　letter.　When　he　showed　it　to　the　old　teacher　she　was　immensely　pleased.　“Mr.　Meng　is　a　man　of　knowledge　and　vision.　He　has　outstripped　us　all.　Twenty　years　ago　I　was　like　that,　but　I　cannot　keep　up　with　him　any　longer."

Pao　Ching　took　Lotus　Charm　to　school　the　next　day.

Lotus　Charm　was　wearing　a　simple　blue　dress.　No　make_up　or　lipstick.　She　was　carrying　her　books　and　brushes　in　a　white　cloth　bag　under　her　arm.

The　moment　they　were　outside　the　door,　Pao　Ching　asked,　“Would　you　like　to　take　a　rickshaw？"

Lotus　Charm　lifted　her　head　high,　her　eyes　bright,　and　said　smilingly,　“No,　thank　you,　father.　I'd　like　to　walk,　to　let　the　people　in　Chungking　see　that　I've　become　a　frugal　student."

Pao　Ching　did　not　say　anything.　He　was　pleased　to　see　Lotus　Charm　so　happy.

After　a　short　distance,　Lotus　Charm　lowered　her　head　and　said,　“Father,　let's　take　a　rickshaw.　I　don't　know　why,　my　legs　feel　weak."

But　when　Pao　Ching　was　about　to　call　for　a　rickshaw,　she　lifted　her　head　again　and　said,　“No,　father.　I　don't　think　I'll　take　a　rickshaw.　I　must　practice　walking.　I　won't　spend　my　money　in　carfares.　I　won't　ride　a　rickshaw　even　when　it　rains."

“What　if　it　is　thundering？"　Pao　Ching　asked.

“I'll　use　my　hands　to　cover　my　ears."　She　smiled　mischievously.

Lotus　Charm　did　not　seem　able　to　concentrate.　She　talked　about　whatever　came　to　her　mind.　“Father,　didn't　you　say　that　you　want　to　open　up　a　school　for　entertainers？　Please　wait,　father.　When　I　graduate,　I'll　teach　for　you.　Maybe　someday　I　too　will　be　able　to　write　new　lyrics　as　good　as　Teacher　Meng's."

“You？"　Pao　Ching　deliberately　teased.　He　was　happy.

“Yes,　I,"　Lotus　Charm　replied,　straightening　her　back.　“I　have　intelligence.　I　am　a　drum　singer,　but　I　shall　be　a　student　as　well.　I　am　a　rather　special　girl　among　drum　singers."

When　they　came　to　the　foot　of　the　hill,　Pao　Ching　wanted　to　walk　up　with　her.　But　she　stopped　him.　“Father,"　she　said,　“you　stand　here　and　watch　me　go　up.　I　want　to　walk　into　another　world,　alone　by　myself."　She　climbed　briskly　up　the　stone　steps.

After　a　few　steps,　she　turned　back　to　smile　at　him,　her　hands　patting　her　bag　of　books.　“Father,　please　go　home.　I'll　come　home　right　after　school.　I'm　a　good　girl."

“I'll　watch　you　up,　I'll　watch　you　up."　Pao　Ching　felt　loath　to　part.

Slowly,　she　came　to　the　gate　of　the　school.　First　she　stopped　to　look　at　the　huge　pine　trees　behind　the　school,　then　turned　to　wave　to　her　father　at　the　foot　of　the　hill.

Pao　Ching　looked　up.　She　looked　like　a　very　little　girl　in　the　distance,　and　he　could　distinctly　see　the　white　bag　she　used　to　carry　her　books.　He　remembered　the　first　day　when　he　had　brought　her　home.　How　tiny　and　pitiful　she　had　seemed.　He　said　to　himself　as　he　waved　to　her,　“Well　now,　I　must　say　I've　done　my　duty　toward　you　and　Teacher　Meng."　He　turned　away.

Lotus　Charm　watched　her　father　till　he　disappeared　from　sight.　Then　she　straightened　her　clothes　and　her　hair,　and　walked　into　the　school.

The　minute　she　entered　the　gate,　she　seemed　to　have　forgotten　who　she　was.　She　called　herself,　“Lotus　Charm."

Yes,　she　was　Lotus　Charm.　The　old　Lotus　Charm　had　gone.　Only　the　new　Lotus　Charm　was　left,　as　pure　and　fragrant　as　the　lotus　blossom　itself.

The　principal　gave　her　a　chair　and　a　desk　in　a　classroom　with　twenty　other　students.　Some　were　middle_aged　women,　some　were　girls　in　their　teens.　Lotus　Charm　noticed　that　while　a　few　were　dressed　in　expensive　clothes,　the　others　wore　outfits　as　simple　as　hers.　Some　were　reading,　others　writing,　and　a　few　working　at　embroidery.　In　the　middle　of　the　room　was　the　classroom　teacher,　a　short　stout　woman　in　her　forties.

None　of　the　girls　looked　like　Jeweled　Lute,　Lotus　Charm　observed　happily.　She　would　enjoy　being　with　these　girls　and　getting　to　know　them,　and　talking　the　way　they　did.　They　would　probably　talk　about　the　same　things　as　Teacher　Meng.

She　was　soon　aware,　however,　that　everyone　was　staring　at　her.　Since　she　was　used　to　being　stared　at,　she　looked　at　the　girl　nearest　her　and　smiled.　The　girl　did　not　smile　in　return.　Lotus　Charm　blushed　and　went　on　with　her　writing.　Then　an　uncomfortable　thought　came　to　her.　Suppose　the　girls　recognized　her.　Well,　they　would　be　bound　to,　for　some　of　them　must　have　been　at　the　theater.　But　she　did　not　want　to　be　recognized.　Yet　how　could　she　escape.　There　were　only　two　drum　singers　in　Chung_king　singing　Peiping　ballads,　she　and　Jeweled　Lute.

Then　she　thought　she　heard　a　loud　whisper,　“It's　her."　A　silence　and　then　someone　whistled.　The　girls　began　to　talk　excitedly　as　if　a　storm　had　suddenly　broken　in　the　room.　Again　there　was　a　silence.　Then　a　harsh　complaining　voice　said,　“Well,　my　dear,　times　have　changed.　I　never　imagined　we'd　have　to　take　our　lessons　with　a　whore."　And　quickly　another　voice　added,　“What　kind　of　school　is　this　anyway,　making　respectable　women　sit　with　streetwalkers？"　This　woman　was　about　thirty.　She　had　hard　cold　eyes　and　stared　venomously　at　Lotus　Charm.　She　was　the　mistress　of　a　war　lord,　Lotus　Charm　knew.　The　other　girl　was　a　black　marketeer's　daughter.

One　girl　picked　up　a　ball　of　paper　and　threw　it　at　Lotus　Charm.　Somewhere　someone　cried,　“Chase　her　out！　Chase　the　dirty　whore！"

The　teacher　thumped　on　the　desk.　“Attention！　Attention！"　But　the　whispering　continued.　The　girls　were　eyeing　Lotus　Charm　angrily,　and　voicing　their　protest.

Lotus　Charm　turned　white　with　rage.　She　sat　still　as　a　statue.　Who　were　these　girls　to　throw　evil　words　at　her！　She　turned　and　looked　at　them.　One　of　them　put　her　thumb　to　her　nose,　another　made　an　ugly　face.　Lotus　Charm's　temper　was　rising.

The　teacher　went　to　the　door　to　call　the　principal.　The　black　marketeer's　daughter　took　advantage　of　this　to　cry　in　a　loud　voice,　“If　they　let　streetwalkers　in　here,　I　shall　have　to　leave.　I　cannot　afford　to　associate　with　such　people."

“I　second　that,"　said　the　mistress　of　the　war　lord.　She　threw　her　knitting　on　the　floor.　“Let's　get　rid　of　the　dirty　little　tart."

Lotus　Charm　stood　up.　She　began　to　tear　her　book　into　shreds　with　trembling　hands.　Then,　as　if　making　her　exit　on　the　stage,　she　walked　out.　Behind　her　she　heard　the　girls　laughing.　Vile　words　came　rolling　after　her　like　bowling　balls.

Outside　the　classroom　she　burst　into　tears.　She　had　reached　the　gate　when　the　principal　caught　up　with　her.　The　little　old　lady　took　her　into　her　study　and　wiped　away　her　tears.　“I　am　sorry,　my　dear.　I　had　no　idea　this　would　happen.　It　is　my　fault.　I　took　in　girls　of　low　status　because　Mr.　Meng　advised　me,　and　you　see　what　happens.　They　mock　you　because　you　know　how　to　behave.　I　am　ashamed."

Lotus　Charm　sat　biting　her　lips.

“And　don't　worry,　I'll　arrange　everything.　I　shall　talk　to　them,"　the　old　lady　continued.　“You　are　a　good　girl,　and　you　must　be　treated　as　such."

Lotus　Charm　did　not　answer.　When　the　old　lady　said　she　must　come　the　next　day　she　shook　her　head,　and　walked　slowly　home.

At　the　bottom　of　the　hill,　she　turned　to　look　up　at　the　huge　house.　Her　head　felt　swollen　and　dizzy,　but　she　must　walk　on,　back　to　the　world　of　whores　and　concubines　and　kept　women,　and　dirty　money.　Never　again　would　she　try　to　go　up　the　hill,　to　be　insulted.　Never！

She　walked　on,　her　heart　heavy,　her　whole　body　aching　with　grief.　Her　mother　was　right:　once　an　entertainer,　always　an　entertainer.　You　could　not　climb.　No　one　ever　respected　a　drum　singer.　She　did　not　blame　Jeweled　Lute　for　having　what　fun　she　could　get　out　of　her　sordid　life.　Jeweled　Lute　was　smart.　She　didn't　try　to　climb　to　be　insulted　by　other　women.　She　made　the　most　of　what　she　had,　and　pleased　all　the　men　she　could.　And　Phoenix　Girl　was　right,　too.　How　smart　to　get　married　instead　of　looking　for　an　education.　And　a　voice　spoke　inside　her,　“Lotus　Charm,go　down.　Go　down　the　same　path　that　Jeweled　Lute　and　Phoenix　Girl　are　on.　It　may　not　be　a　good　path,　but　it　is　yours.　Get　on　it　quickly,　and　know　yourself.　Silly　little　tart."

Since　she　did　not　want　to　go　home,　she　sat　on　a　stone　by　the　roadside　watching　the　traffic　go　by.　No　mother,　no　father,　no　brothers　or　sisters.　A　girl　alone,　in　a　dirty　profession,　with　no　hope.　She　had　tried　to　get　in　a　new　world　today,　but　she　had　been　turned　out.　She　was　beaten.

Across　the　street　was　the　Kialing　River,　its　blue　waters　swirling　along　to　the　estuary.　That　was　it.　She　should　end　her　worthless　life.　But　she　didn't　want　to　die.　She　looked　at　her　feet.　how　beautiful　they　were,　how　firm　and　strong,　and　her　firm　white　legs.　Should　they　die　so　soon？　She　touched　her　face.　The　skin　was　firm　and　young.　It　was　her　face,　and　it　must　live.　She　placed　her　hands　on　her　breasts,　and　felt　their　soft　firmness.　They　were　young,　too,　they　had　to　live.

How　silly　to　think　of　death　when　life　was　waiting.　She　would　live　without　going　to　school.　There　were　hundreds　of　girl　drum　singers,　and　they　went　on　living,　even　those　who　became　concubines　and　part_time　whores.　That　kind　of　thing　didn't　kill　you.

She　began　to　walk　again.　Her　blood　was　warm　now.　She　would　live　on.　She　could　go　to　the　movies　and　enjoy　herself　while　she　could.　If　Jeweled　Lute　could　be　happy,　so　could　she.

She　began　to　hurry,　her　little　braids　flapping　in　the　breeze.　She　noticed　that　people　stared　at　her,　but　she　didn't　mind.　She　was　Lotus　Charm　and　Lotus　Charm　was　going　to　a　movie.　Movies　were　better　than　school.

Later　she　went　home.　She　had　thought　to　tell　her　mother　and　father　what　happened,　but　when　she　saw　her　mother's　face　she　decided　not　to.　What　good　telling　her.　She　would　not　sympathize.　Probably　she　would　laugh.　She　could　hear　her　mother　saying,　“A　dog　cannot　become　a　goat　even　if　it　has　two　horns.　Ha！　Ha！"　No,　she　would　not　tell　her　mother.　And　her　father　would　be　angry.　She　did　not　want　him　to　lose　face.　No,　she　loved　him　too　much　to　tell　him　what　had　happened.　She　wouldn't　tell　anyone.　She'd　just　keep　going　to　school　at　the　proper　time,　but　she　wouldn't　go　at　all.

In　her　room　were　some　books　and　brushes.　She　picked　up　a　book　and　read　a　few　words.　Then　on　impulse　she　tore　the　pages　into　tiny　pieces　and　threw　them　out　the　window.　The　best　place　for　them.　Goodbye　to　books　forever.　Her　mother　couldn't　read.　Nor　could　Jeweled　Lute,　Phoenix　Girl,　or　Mrs.　Tang.　But　they　were　all　alive　and　in　good　health.　She　broke　the　handles　of　her　two　brushes　across　her　knee.　The　hairs　she　picked　out　one　by　one　and　laid　them　in　the　palm　of　her　hand.　Then　she　blew　them　into　the　air.